Friends. I have been MIA since November. My apologies. I always hated following a blog where the writer would just go missing after a few months of good content, and here I did it to you. My apologies.
I have been honestly crazy busy — I launched a new business — eek! Can you hear my excitement? It has been a dream of mine to own my own company and do something to help others. And here I am!
INTRODUCING: Health and Wellness with Jessica Lorello. I offer group sessions for new and expecting mothers where we talk about all of the things no one talks about! For instance, FMLA — who teaches you to complete that paperwork? Childcare — how do you know what you are looking for in a daycare, stay at home nanny, or even what it takes to be a stay at home parent? We talk about the differences between doctors, doulas, certified nurse midwives, nurse practitioners, etc. We talk about your rights in the hospital and how to keep hospital costs down, different types of birthing strategies, navigating your insurance, navigating tough conversations with your partner, and there is even a session just for dads. I wish I had something like this when I was pregnant with my first baby.
Along with prenatal education, I have a group session for postpartum women and women entering the 4th trimester. Both are very informative to that new mother navigating their way through life with a newborn.
I also offer 1:1 coaching/mentoring for college students and recently graduated college students who might be having a tough time. You know when you receive your first paycheck out of college and you blow it all on one night at the bar? Yeah, I can help with that. Or now you work 8-5 with a 30 minute commute each way, how are you suppose to wake up so early? How are you suppose to have time to do anything fun? Yeah, I can help with that too. Is your college student struggling to have a consistent schedule day to day? Are they partying too much or are they just not communicating with you? Maybe their eating habits are not positively contributing to their learning.. I can help. Finances and time management seem to be the most difficult for college students and recent graduates, hire me and I can help.
Visit my website: http://www.wellnessbyjlo.com — sign up for a service. I assure you that you will not be disappointed. I am beyond passionate about this and I am excited to work with all of you. We all have hard times, and while it might be hard to ask for help, it is okay. I am giving you the okay. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP.
In advance, I want to thank you all for your support. This has been a long process to get to this place and the support I have received has been unbelievable. Thank you.
I love hosting people at my house. Did I say LOVE… I LOVE hosting people at my house. I love everything that goes into it: cleaning, prepping a menu, grocery shopping, planning fun things for everyone to do together, researching new fun places.. ALL OF IT! I love it.
Not only do I love the planning, but I love the hustle and bustle of people in my home, good conversations, kids playing, blankets and people snuggled on couches, fire pits, smore’s, games, memories being made, good food, candles, joy.. pure joy.
I grew up with friends always at my house, my cousins were always at my house, people were always in and out, and it was fun. I want that for my kids, and I want that for my family. I want people to just stop by because they were in the area and thought about us, then they end up staying for dinner and maybe dinner happens in the driveway because the kids are outside playing and the adults get to have nice conversations. I want people to come over and we all do something fun, did I mention that I love having people over?
When I was little my mom, my sister, and I would go to our very best friend’s house (they only lived 5 blocks away) and my mom and my friends mom would do some kind of craft or make pasta or something else that I don’t remember because I was too busy playing with all the kids on the block riding bikes, playing school or office, or house with our babies. It was so much fun! That is what I want for my family.
It’s interesting that those types of relationships don’t exist much anymore, the just stopping in to say hello relationships. Everything seems to be planned, and we are always calling ahead to triple check that it’s okay that we go to someone’s house.. I don’t quite understand that. Mainly because well.. I love when people come over.
How about we stop worrying about is our house a mess… do we have enough food.. does everyone have enough time.. are they going to mad that we stopped by… I don’t have anything to bring.. all the things, stop worrying about them. Just stop by, I promise they will be glad you did. Make the memories. Enjoy the moments. Let time slow down. Enjoy each others company. You won’t regret it. These are the things we are made for.
This weekend we will have 7 adults and 3 children in my home and I COULD NOT BE MORE EXCITED! The hustle and bustle of people I care about and conversations about life are going to be overflowing. The best part is everyone will walk away with a memory and valuable time spent together no matter if the food was good or if the house was clean. That is what fills my cup.
The kindness news station.. would you watch it? Think about CNN but like all the kindness and happy things happening in the world. Would you honestly watch it? I would.
You know what’s funny… most people I asked this question to said no. Why? Why wouldn’t you want to watch the joy and beauty in the world? The answer I got from people: “because I would be too emotional watching all the nice things, plus it would probably get old.” WHAT?! Really? The kind, beautiful, amazing things happening in the world would get old? What about CNN, BBC, or any news station for that matter… does that terrible information ever get old? But you still watch it!
We spend so much time watching and hearing about the tragedies in the world we have become immune to them. We don’t cry about sad things anymore, we don’t have reactions the same way because we see it all the time. But the fear you can see in someone when you mentions a Kindness News Station is unreal. Why are we afraid of kindness?
Kindness isn’t easy for us, we have to think about it. And then we have to think about not getting recognition for being kind because everyone always wants recognition. How about just be kind? Just be kind to everyone, not just the people you know, but everyone. You don’t know everyone’s story, you literally see people for minutes, sometimes seconds in their day — they have a whole life span of stories that contribute to the kind of person they are — who are you to judge? You are not there to judge. You are there to be kind. Just be kind.
Kindness has 2 sides, the giver and the receiver. The giver of kindness has it’s own challenges, but the receiver of kindness actually has to be open to receiving. What if they are not open to the receipt of kindness? What then!? It doesn’t matter. As the giver of kindness, you are doing it because you want to be kind. Not because the person asked for it, or because they need it. You gave out kindness because you wanted to. But also, we need to open ourselves up to acknowledge and accept kindness no matter how big or small. Don’t fear kindness, allow people to show you the beauty in the world.
The other day I was in the grocery store with my kids. This mother and her 2 kids were following us very closely and I kept wondering what they were doing. I will admit I was wondering in a very negative way saying things in my head like “what is your problem? stop following me and my kids!” About 5 minutes into them following us, her daughter came up to my daughter and said, “I like your unicorn jacket. Where did you get it?” Then the mom chimed in and said, “Sorry, she really liked the jacket and I am trying to teach her how to speak up for herself.” Man did I feel like dirt on the floor. The mom was just trying to teach her daughter how to be kind and I was annoyed. My daughter was so happy and proud that some other little girl liked her unicorn jacket and the girls were able to have a kind conversation about the jacket. I want to be like that mom. I want to teach my daughter kindness. I want to teach her how to give kindness and how to receive it. What a world that would be…
We are in the season of thankfulness. But what if we were in the season of kindness as well. Turn your kindness into someone’s thankful. Be so kind that they are thankful for you that day, then just maybe, they will be kind enough to someone else to be that someone else’s thankful.
Create your own Kindness News Station. Be your own news reporter. What would you report for the day?
My grandmother passed away recently and during one of her 4 services the priest asked, “Does anyone have anything to say about Alexa?” My uncle spoke 2 sentences, my grandfather (her husband of 65 years) said 2 words fighting tears, and before I could get up and say anything, the priest closed the floor. I thought, man! I missed my opportunity! But I didn’t because even though you didn’t know my grandmother, I am going to write her eulogy on my blog. Enjoy!
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Look closely.. she’s giving a peace sign.
Mami. Tia Nena. Abuela. Alexa. Abuelita. Nena. These are some of the names my grandmother was known by. She was a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a grandmother, a GREAT-grandmother, and a mother. She was a strong willed, stubborn woman, but it served her well. She came from Cuba to the U.S. and her and her husband worked hard to make a life for their family here. She had 3 boys who were not the easiest to raise, and she worked while raising her 3 sons in a time when it wasn’t the “norm” for women to work.
She always used to tell me how excited she was that I was a girl. I think she always wanted a girl but it never happened for her. So when I came along as the first grandchild, she was over the moon. She would tell me, “When they came out of the delivery room to tell me you were a girl I screamed so loud and pulled my hair because I was so excited.” I believe her, she has always had a special love for me. You know what is funny though? At her services, I learned that this woman had a special love for everyone. All of her family was so special to her in everyway. She wouldn’t have life without her family, she just wouldn’t.
Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, and beyond the food, I never really knew why. I recently came to my true reason behind my love for Thanksgiving… every year my grandparents would host Thanksgiving. They would put together a long table either outside on their patio or inside their house – my grandmother, her and her sisters, would start cooking 2-3 days prior and on Thanksgiving we would feast. The family would all come over to her house, and it would be loud! Liquor would be flowing, I mean we are Cuban after all, the laughter would be so loud you could hear it down the street. The cars parked all along the road, people hugging, catching up, kids running and playing, and always an anniversary to celebrate. My grandparents. [They were married 65 years.] The food was like none other, the family was vibrant, the holiday was the reason. I still love thanksgiving because with it comes years of memories with family I only saw once a year, and the joy it brought to my grandmothers heart, so much JOY. That is what I will remember. And while I will never be able to replicate the Thanksgiving Joy she shared with us, I can keep it in my heart and have my own memories.
My grandmother was a tough woman, but every once in a while, for her grandchildren, she would let her guard down. One time specifically, my cousin reminded me, that we made her drink wine. Like lots of wine, which to be fair wasn’t really a lot of wine because since she didn’t drink hardly ever it didn’t take her long to feel a buzz, and we made her flip the bird. Yes, you read that correct, we made her put up her middle finger. This woman, a Godly woman, who honestly I don’t ever remember saying a curse word in my presence, put her middle finger up…. And we died laughing. Like that deep belly laugh. Even she was laughing, her face was red – maybe from the wine, but also probably because she was laughing so hard. We couldn’t believe it. That is one for the memory books.
I was 13 when I moved from Florida to Missouri. 13 is tough age anyway, but then moving away from all your friends and family to the middle of no where was so hard. I was a little down, and really didn’t like the fact that we had to move to this new place. My grandparents came to help us move, and my grandmother knew I was sad. She was trying her best to cheer me up but nothing was working… until.. she put on a costume like Jasmine and starting dancing around to gypsy music, moving her hips and dancing around as if she were a belly dancer. Let me remind you this is a conservative woman who until this very day I had not even seen her in a swim suit. But here she is belly dancing with her belly showing trying to cheer me up! I remember laughing so hard, like so hard. At the time, I had no clue what she was doing, she was just being crazy and funny, and making me laugh. But now I see she just wanted me to be happy, and she was going to do whatever she had to do to see a smile on my face.
If she were alive she would be so mad I posted these pictures of her! 🙂
That’s just it. Man she was tough. I don’t say that lightly. She was a tough lady. Not many people would mess with her. She was not a force to be reckon with. But wow. She cared. She wanted the best for her family ALWAYS. My cousin shared with me that before her wedding her dad had passed away and it was a sad time for her and her mother to be planning a wedding without him there. [Her dad was my grandmother’s sister’s son.] My grandmother swooped in and helped. My cousin said she remembers the 2 weeks before her wedding being a breeze and much easier because she knew my grandmother was there and would help with whatever needed to be done. My grandmother couldn’t handle knowing that her family was hurting. She cared too much.
She suffered for 11 years with a condition that no one should have to experience. Her body was freezing up around her. Her mind was completely in tact but her body was slowing freezing. First it was her legs, then it was her arms, then it was her speech, then it took over her body. It was devastating to watch. But you know what? In true tough girl fashion she made the absolute best of it. 7 years ago she came to my wedding – she was still walking, slowly, but walking nonetheless. She said she wouldn’t miss it for the world. I am so grateful she was there. 4 years ago I gave birth to my baby girl, and since she could no longer travel anymore, there was no way I was going to keep her GREAT-grandchild from her, so I flew with my 3 month old and introduced her to her first GREAT-grandchild. That Thanksgiving JOY was all over her face as she was holding my baby girl. 2 years later, I brought my son, her 2nd GREAT-grandchild to meet her. At that point she was bedridden and while she couldn’t really interact, she had the joy of meeting him and seeing him.
It’s hard for me to think she is really gone. It’s just a weird thing. I will say, I am joyful that she is not suffering anymore. It was very difficult for me to watch this woman who was always moving, always using her hands to sew, cook, or love her family, be bed ridden and unable to do the things she loves. She lived a full life, doing all the things she wanted. She certainly left a legacy in all 8 of her grandchildren, and especially with me. I loved that woman fiercely. [The older I get the more I see some of her qualities in me.] May she rest in peace and belly dance with all of her family up in heaven.
My grandmother is the woman standing up in the red shirt. ❤
I know I know.. “Month of death” It sounds morbid, but that is what this month has been for me, for us, for my family. It’s interesting how life works, we’re all born into this world and we all eventually die. Some of us are scared of dying and the possible suffering we might endure. [I assure you we are stronger than you think.] Some of us are not scared, and gladly welcome whatever life throws at us, even if that means we leave this earth too soon.
I have been away from the blog world a little bit because well, death. First my grandmother passed away, she lived a great life. She lived well into her 80’s and while she did suffer for 11 years, she had a great life. I was so grateful to see her suffering end. It was and is sad to know she is no longer earth side and I will no longer be able to see her, but her memories and spirit live within me. It is especially sad for my grandfather who knows no other life without my grandmother, his wife. They were married 65 years. Can you imagine, 65 years with someone? He stayed right by her side all 11 years of her sickness, and that is admirable. We can all aspire to be the lover, caregiver, supporter, and faithful husband he was.
At my grandmother’s funeral, there was no eulogy, there were no personal words spoken about her. Everything spoken was from people who didn’t know her. Personally, I felt this was a disservice to the beautiful life my grandmother lived. So, I wrote one. The next blog post will be my grandmother’s eulogy that she didn’t get to have. While it continues with the death theme, it is a little more light and airy. I hope you enjoy it. My grandmother was a fun lady. She had her weaknesses, but don’t we all?
Two weeks later, my father in law passed away suddenly, and unexpectedly (kind of). I will say this is VERY fresh and still very much an open wound for the family so I won’t go into too much detail about everything. However, what I will discuss is the perspective of a spouse supporting and loving through the death of a parent. My husband’s father was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, and died a few short days later. It was tragic and unexpected for him to leave us so soon.
While my father in law and I had our differences, I respected him. He was the father to my husband. He cared for me because he knew how deeply I love his son, and he loved his son (my husband) with his whole heart. He was so proud of everything his son had accomplished, and so am I. We had that in common. He cared for his family so deeply, all he ever wanted was to be in the presence of those he cared about. Regardless of your relationship with the person, when they are such a big part of your life (father to my husband, grandfather to my children) you experience some kind of pain and sadness. I am sad for my children, they will never know him, they will have minimal memories with him, and we cannot get that back. My husband will go on for the rest of his life without his father around to help him walk through life’s challenges, and that especially makes me sad.
Death leaves us with a void, with a hole, feeling sad and sometimes even alone. Throughout this month I have really been trying to think about the fruits that come from death. From my grandmother’s death, I was able to reconnect with so many cousins, aunts, uncles, and even meet my godmother for the first time in my adult life. I know my grandmother was smiling down on all of this. I am making it my personal goal to not lose touch with this family I have had the privilege to reconnect with. My husband’s family has been able to reconnect in a different way as well. For that I am truly thankful, and I hope it continues to grow for them. They need each other in the healing process.
Grief is a process folks. There is no start and stop. There is only a path, a road, a trail, that you continue to go down, and each passing minute, hour, day, week, month, year gets easier.
This is a part of life. How do we turn it into fruits?
Friends/Readers/Followers, meet my dear friend Gabby. Gabby and I met when I was working at a gym teaching postnatal fitness. She had just had her youngest son who was 5 weeks early. In this particular class, I would set up stations around the room for the participants to complete different exercises while I kept the babies happy off to the side of the room. I knew Gabby and I were going to be friends when she came in to the class from this initial interaction… I introduced myself, she introduced herself and introduced me to her son, then continued to say that she would prefer I not take him out of the car seat since it was flu season and he was premature.
A momma speaking truth and not feeling shame to protect her baby – that’s a momma I want to hang with! Gabby and I have stayed friends even though we don’t live in the same town and I value her friendship so much! Gabby is real, she is raw, she is a giver, an advocate, passionate, loving, caring, thoughtful, smart, talented, she is definitely not afraid to get dirty, she is practical, she’s an adventurer, and she listens. This is a friend you want!
I asked Gabby to write something in relation to the mission of the honest truth blog, whatever was speaking to her at the moment, and she wrote about simplification. it seems so simple, but there are so many places/ways to simplify that we often over look. Read below about Gabby’s experience and feel free to comment with your simplification ideas/techniques!
xo, Jessica
“Simplify”
Every New Year’s Eve for the past 9 years my family has gathered with 5 other families to ring in another year of life, love and community. After we put all the kids in bed, the adults gather to share their highs, lows and either a goal or word for the coming year. We’re super cool, I promise 🙂
For 2019, my goal was “intentionality” and my word was “simplify”.
For me, these two things go hand in hand. I want to take the time to enjoy this stage of life with my boys, I want to make space for my husband and I want to be able to look back and not feel like I was sinking through toddler-hood. In order to do this, I needed to simplify my life and be very intentional with my time and energy (because let’s face it, waking up at the crack of dawn ready to roll does not give one endless amounts of energy).
Emily Ley wrote in A Simplified Life that “when we pare down life to its simplest parts, we’re left with room to enjoy each other, to rest, and truly savor life with all our hearts, minds and spirits.”
When I started thinking about my goal and word for the year, I had to really think about what I wanted for myself and my life for this year. Nine months into the year, it’s still a work in progress, but this is what I’ve discovered… I want to remember this time with my boys. I want to not spend all my time cooking, cleaning and keeping our home “functional” but also need it to be “functional”…I use that word loosely as it changes based on my mood, anxiety levels and schedule for the coming days!
So if those are the things that I want, how do I make this work? Our house cannot be a disaster zone and I need time and space for myself to reclaim energy and balance. These may not be issues for you, but for me, I function best in that space.
I’m still tweaking what works for me/my family as we go, but so far, this is what I’ve found…
Declutter your inbox and social media and set time limits…I unfriended and unfollowed people I don’t know, don’t bring me joy, or haven’t spoken to in over 5 years. I took a couple of days to work my way through the thousands of emails hanging out in my inbox and made folders for events/topics that are important so that I can reference them quickly. I also took advantage of the Screen Time limits on my phone. It doesn’t completely stop me from aimlessly scrolling Insta, but it definitely makes me think twice about my time and I feel better when feeding my brain with interesting new things rather than other people’s pointless musings.
Early this spring I took part in Emily Ley’s Ruthless Declutter Challenge (after quoting her above and then noting this, I feel like I look like a huge EL fan but I have to admit, a friend recommended her challenge and I just read her book, so no worries, I haven’t gone full happy stripe just yet). Over the course of a month, I went room by room in our house and got rid of all the things that were broken, excessive, didn’t fit, etc. I took 3 separate loads of stuff to Goodwill and it felt so good. I didn’t have to worry about the boys pulling out clothes that didn’t fit and the battle to have them change into something that did, I could open our cabinets without water bottles falling out, and I knew where things were that I previously could not locate.
Meal prep…I need to be much better about this, but I find that our days go much smoother and I feel less stressed when I have our fruit and veggies chopped and ready to go for the day. I can then pull them out to throw in a smoothie, into a pan or straight on a plate saving me precious time during that awful 4-6pm time frame when everyone is starving and needs all the attention! Some days I prep them first thing in the morning while making breakfast, or if I’m really on my game, on Sundays for the bulk of the week.
Shoes by the door. This is my most recent adjustment to our life. I’m working on making the change to no shoes on in the house…we have wood floors, I feel like I sweep ALL.THE.TIME so I’m hoping this will help, and it’s just less germy. I bought a big basket from HomeGoods, all the shoes will slowly find their way in to it and there will hopefully be less searching, less throwing shoes back to their rooms, less grime all over and less sweeping! Once can hope.
This is a shellfish adjustment, but when I looked back over the last couple of years, I realized that I had read less than 3 books (for me, not the kids) in the past 4 years. For me, that’s ridiculous! I LOVE reading. It gives my introvert-self life. In order to pour into my family, I needed to get back to doing things for myself as well. I set another goal to read at least 12 books this year. I’m at 13 and it’s September. I feel better, I feel like I’m using my time wisely.
None of these things are completely life altering, but they are little things that I have chosen to try out. Small changes that make me feel more together and less stressed so that I can focus in on my family and remember this precious time. Now, real truth…have I been totally successful in all these things? Absolutely not. I still could put more effort into relationship with my husband and time with my boys. I decluttered my email and social media but still struggle with spending too much time on Insta/Facebook and have let my emails pile up again. I did declutter all the rooms in our house except two, life got busy and I never got back to those last two rooms. I meal prep when I can and our shoes will probably still be all over the house because I have a 2 and 4 yr old and that’s just life. These are small things that help when I can make it happen. Do I stress when one of my systems doesn’t work quite right, sure, it’s part of my type A, enneagram 8, Myers’s Briggs J personality. But am I trying? Absolutely. Do my boys care if I’m not successful at being 100% intentional or simplify all the things…not one bit. They care if I have time to sit down and play trucks with them, run through a sprinkler or sing Blippi songs. And those are the little things I want to remember. I care and try to make things better for my family, but not at the cost of being with my family.
How have you simplified your life? What tools, tricks, tips can you share with us that might be helpful? What does intentionality mean for you? I’d love to hear what each of you are doing to be more intentional with your families and how you are simplifying your life.
I had the sweetest conversation with my 4 year old the other day. She wanted to know the stages of life, so I said, “First you’re a baby, then a toddler, then a school age kid, then a teenager, then an adult.” She said, “I can’t wait to go to kindergarten!”, and I asked, “What is mommy?” There was a long pause and she looked at me and said, “a adult toddler.” I laughed, and then I thought about it, I do feel like an adult toddler!
As a 30 something year old I feel like I am learning about life all over again through the eyes of my children. They bring me new perspective each and every day. Some days I feel like I want to throw a tantrum, and some days I feel like I want to run and play in the dirt without a care in the world. Sometimes I feel sassy, and sometimes I just ask why. Lots and lots of why. Never to really get an answer, and only to continue to ask why. I often want to go to bed at 730PM and not wake up until 6AM, and I never want to eat my vegetables. (Cereal every meal would be my jam.)
I am re-learning how to manage my emotions because after becoming a parent and turning 30, I have new emotions I have never had to manage before. I am learning how to communicate all over again, to my children, to people in my life, and to my husband. We all evolve and change over time, and sometimes you just need to re-calibrate, and that is where I am. Re calibrating. Very much like an adult toddler would.
I am not an all know-er — I am a learner, which is probably why I am feeling like I am back in a toddler state. Learning new things as I am getting older and figuring out this new life as parents. Figuring out how to be married as parents. Figuring out how to be me as a parent. I guess my next stage would be a school age kid! Perhaps my 40s will be all about being a school aged kid all over again!
Thank you for the perspective sweet daughter of mine. You are right. I am an adult toddler.
When I first talked about starting this blog, EVERYONE asked, “what is your purpose behind it?” My answer was vague it was like “I feel like I have a lot to say to women and to people about how to live their best life.” I didn’t want anything, but people kept pressing, “But don’t you want something from it?” Honestly, I didn’t and I don’t. I want people to read it and think about the topics in their own way, apply it to their own life, and hopefully it makes a positive difference in their day to day. Writing is such a healthy outlet for me, and lucky for you all, I have a lot on my mind.
Earlyyyy on in my development of the blog, I think I said things like “I would love to get 1000 blog followers within the first year, and if I get a speaking engagement out of it along the way that would be great.” Which for people who need a true purpose or a true definite attainable goal, this works. 1000 followers in one year and a speaking engagement is the goal. I am typically that person, the person who needs goals to check off the list, but with this, I am new, and I really don’t know what I am doing other than sharing my perspective and my life with you. But somehow it is okay, and I don’t feel like I need the check box to check. I am comfortable writing and being in this space. I am hopeful that wherever I am suppose to go on this blogging journey with happen as long as I continue sharing truth and being honest.
About 2 weeks ago, I turned to my husband and said, “I think I am going to quit blogging.” He was stunned and said, “I thought you loved it.” I said, “I do love it but I feel like I am not reaching anyone.” And he came back with the truth I needed to hear, “But I thought you weren’t writing for everyone else, I thought you were writing for you?” You are right love — I am writing for me, and for you, and whoever wants to read. I enjoy filling this space with experiences, thoughts, perspectives, and stories of truth. I enjoy sharing with you. I enjoy this whole process. So thank you for being here with me, the journey will continue.
If you feel so inclined, share my blog with people you think need to hear these words. Maybe share your favorite post with your friends. If you have thoughts on something you would like to hear about please feel free to reach out: thehonesttruthbyjlo@gmail.com you know I am always up for new and exciting topics. And if you need someone for a speaking engagement, here I am. But above all that, thank you for reading. Thank you for being here. Thank you for challenging yourself to think through a new lens. I love writing. I love blogging. So I will be here a while.
The sun never sets on blog life.. corny? Probably, but that’s me!
Balance — I wish this is something I could give you all the answers about. But I have come to the conclusion that there is no answer. Balance is how you interpret it. Do you feel like you are balancing all the things in your life well? Then you are. GO YOU! Do you feel like you are not balancing well? The reality is you are probably balancing it GREAT but it feels overwhelming and stressful so there is no peace to the day to day balance.
I will share with you a little bit about how I balance, and to be completely honest, I don’t always do a good job of it.
I have a list of priorities and it goes something like this: Husband, Kids, Job, House, Family, Friends, Self, Spiritual, Financial. I think of these things like plates and I am balancing all of these plates at one time, CRAZY I know. Ideally I would like to be able to juggle all of these plates at the same level all the time. But for me that is just not possible, in this season in my life, I am just catching the plates before they fall, putting them back up, and then moving on to the next plate. I will tell you this is not a way to be, but it’s my season, and it is working in my life balance right now. It can be exhausting, however, I try to not look at it like that.
This past week for instance: Elizabeth was having some behavior issues (the kid plate is falling!) so I had to stop and rethink what she needed and how to address the behavior issues. Jorge is starting back with his extreme tantrums (other kid plate falling) so I had to stop and think through what he needed. Kid plate back up and we’re good for a little bit. My friends had some big things happen in their life (friend plate!) this week so I stopped and wrote some letters and mailed them off. Earlier in the week I hit a wall (the self plate is crassshhhiiinnngggg) I couldn’t hold my head up anymore, so I laid down for 20 minutes and it was just what I needed to lift the self plate back up for a little while. We’ve had some HUGE expenses lately (financial plate falling) so I have had to be very intentional about grocery shopping and what we are buying and why. Where is all the money going?!
Do you get the picture? It’s an ever changing ever evolving thing. There is never a “balance” it’s just a matter of how you choose to manage your balance. What is your balance? Where are you choosing to spend your time? What are your plates you are juggling?
Multitasking means you are doing more than one task at a time. Which if you think about it means you aren’t giving 100% of your attention to any one thing. People take pride in saying “I am a good multitask-er.” But are you? Personally, I always have like 20 tabs open on my browser, I can one look at one at a time anyway — WHY do I do that!? When I reduce it to just one tab, I am able to work so much better because I don’t have all the other distractions.
The world has made us HAVE to multitask. Think about driving in the car: you have other drivers, your speedometer, your radio, your mirrors, your AC or heat, if it’s raining your windshield wipers… and then police wonder how you are speeding? “Well officer I was focused on turning on my windshield wipers.” You might get a good chuckle with that response.
How many times has someone been talking to you and you’ve been nose deep on your phone thinking you are listening but then they ask you a question and you don’t have a response because you weren’t really fully engaged. How embarrassing! AND how annoying for the person speaking to you. The conversation in front of you is most important, unless you excuse yourself to handle something otherwise.
STOP multitasking ALL THE TIME. It is not necessary. Our minds are not meant to be working on 5 million things at once. Have one tab open when you are on your computer. Set “phone times” if something pops into your mind when it isn’t a phone time, then make yourself a note either on paper or on your reminder app. Don’t start 20 things because then you have to go back and finish all 20 things you started. Start one thing, and finish one thing. If you can’t complete a piece of what you are doing because you are waiting on someone else to complete part of the project, then put a “bookmark” in it and set a time when you will return to it. That way it is out of your mind and you can completely focus on something else.
Try something with me, notice I said with me… I need to work on this too! My phone is always attached to my hands. It is my life line.. so sad, but it’s the truth. Let’s allow 3x per day for 5 minutes each time to scroll/check email/do whatever you need to do at a time when you can focus your full attention on it. Begin to be intentional on all the pieces of life, be completely focused when completing tasks at work with one browser open, be completely focused on laundry, cooking dinner, playing with your kids, exercising, all of it, whatever you do focus on that task. I have started to remind myself in my head, “right now you are focused on driving to pick up the kids from school.” or “right now you are focused on cooking dinner.” It serves as a reminder to myself as to what I am doing (because I can quickly get wrapped into 10 million things) and it is a reminder to myself to stay focused. Focused on one thing. Distractions are going to happen.. if you have kids, they will inevitably need you in which case you say to yourself “I am helping the kids right now.” If you work, people will inevitably come into your office unannounced and you will have to stop what you are doing. The more you can keep your focus on what is happening right in the moment you will see how less stressed/overwhelmed/anxiety ridden you will be.
WE are in control of our time. If you are constantly multitasking that could mean a few things: 1. You are not using your time wisely. 2. You are not actually good at multitasking so you are always going back and making mistakes. 3. You have too much on your plate and we need to start saying NO to tasks that are not worthy of your time. 4. You are avoiding feelings. 5. You need to learn to delegate.
In job descriptions and in job interviews they will always mention something like “ability to multitask” what does that even mean? Do you want me REALLY to work on more than one task at one time? Perhaps the better language here would be “Ability to manage tasks from more than one project at a time.” I manage more than one project at a time all day long, but I am not always multitasking. I want to focus my time on ONE THING so I can perform at my best!
My day looks a little something like this: Wake up, workout, put a load of laundry in the wash, make coffee, make lunches, serve up coffee (see how I came back to this project to complete it?), make breakfast and eat breakfast, shower, switch laundry to the dryer (again see how I came back to this task?), work on emails for work, get the kids ready for school, pack backpacks, out the door to drive kids to school… You get the idea. ONE.TASK.AT.A.TIME. Typically during this time we are in a hustle so there isn’t really a lot of “free time” but I also do not allow phone distractions, or other distractions (like the TV, music blaring, news, etc) that are not my children who need me. Did you read that? I DO NOT ALLOW… because you are in control of that. You can choose to “multitask” or you can choose to be FULLY PRESENT.
I choose fully present. Who’s with me?
xo, Jessica
Some multitasking articles that I read after writing this post.. and I found pretty interesting.
the honest truth 