I know I know.. “Month of death” It sounds morbid, but that is what this month has been for me, for us, for my family. It’s interesting how life works, we’re all born into this world and we all eventually die. Some of us are scared of dying and the possible suffering we might endure. [I assure you we are stronger than you think.] Some of us are not scared, and gladly welcome whatever life throws at us, even if that means we leave this earth too soon.
I have been away from the blog world a little bit because well, death. First my grandmother passed away, she lived a great life. She lived well into her 80’s and while she did suffer for 11 years, she had a great life. I was so grateful to see her suffering end. It was and is sad to know she is no longer earth side and I will no longer be able to see her, but her memories and spirit live within me. It is especially sad for my grandfather who knows no other life without my grandmother, his wife. They were married 65 years. Can you imagine, 65 years with someone? He stayed right by her side all 11 years of her sickness, and that is admirable. We can all aspire to be the lover, caregiver, supporter, and faithful husband he was.
At my grandmother’s funeral, there was no eulogy, there were no personal words spoken about her. Everything spoken was from people who didn’t know her. Personally, I felt this was a disservice to the beautiful life my grandmother lived. So, I wrote one. The next blog post will be my grandmother’s eulogy that she didn’t get to have. While it continues with the death theme, it is a little more light and airy. I hope you enjoy it. My grandmother was a fun lady. She had her weaknesses, but don’t we all?
Two weeks later, my father in law passed away suddenly, and unexpectedly (kind of). I will say this is VERY fresh and still very much an open wound for the family so I won’t go into too much detail about everything. However, what I will discuss is the perspective of a spouse supporting and loving through the death of a parent. My husband’s father was diagnosed with an aggressive cancer, and died a few short days later. It was tragic and unexpected for him to leave us so soon.
While my father in law and I had our differences, I respected him. He was the father to my husband. He cared for me because he knew how deeply I love his son, and he loved his son (my husband) with his whole heart. He was so proud of everything his son had accomplished, and so am I. We had that in common. He cared for his family so deeply, all he ever wanted was to be in the presence of those he cared about. Regardless of your relationship with the person, when they are such a big part of your life (father to my husband, grandfather to my children) you experience some kind of pain and sadness. I am sad for my children, they will never know him, they will have minimal memories with him, and we cannot get that back. My husband will go on for the rest of his life without his father around to help him walk through life’s challenges, and that especially makes me sad.
Death leaves us with a void, with a hole, feeling sad and sometimes even alone. Throughout this month I have really been trying to think about the fruits that come from death. From my grandmother’s death, I was able to reconnect with so many cousins, aunts, uncles, and even meet my godmother for the first time in my adult life. I know my grandmother was smiling down on all of this. I am making it my personal goal to not lose touch with this family I have had the privilege to reconnect with. My husband’s family has been able to reconnect in a different way as well. For that I am truly thankful, and I hope it continues to grow for them. They need each other in the healing process.
Grief is a process folks. There is no start and stop. There is only a path, a road, a trail, that you continue to go down, and each passing minute, hour, day, week, month, year gets easier.
This is a part of life. How do we turn it into fruits?
Xo, jessica
the honest truth 