Celebrate Celebrate Celebrate!!

“Celebrate good times, COME ON!” You know that song right? By Kool & The Gang — it’s a wedding favorite. This song typically kicks off the dance floor, people sing, do a little jig because everyone is actually celebrating a good time!

Real talk, do you ever play this song in the kitchen/your car/the living room/the shower, I mean blast it, sing to the top of your lungs and actually celebrate something that happened in your day? I’m going to go ahead and guess the answer is no here. We often do not celebrate the small wins. We often do not celebrate at all. We can come up with a million reasons not to celebrate… but why? Celebrating is fun! I like a celebration!

Today is my 7 year anniversary. SEVEN YEARS! Some of you may think that is not a long time, but it is! We’ve almost made it to the national average of years married at 8.2 years! 7 years is a long time! And we’re celebrating. Since the day we got married we made it a priority in our marriage to celebrate our anniversaries. We’ve always taken vacations or time to ourselves even if it is just a nice dinner out for a few hours. We talk about challenges, goals, our love and how it’s changed/grown, and we hold ourselves to a different standard in the next year to be a better partner. We celebrate!

Honeymoon, 1st year married, 2nd year married.. 

Year 3 married and VERY tired with a newborn.

Year 4

Year 5 and tired after newborn #2.

Year 7

 

Celebrations don’t have to be big — small celebrations are just as meaningful. My daughter’s (our first born’s) birthday is always something we celebrate. [We celebrate our son too, but for the sake of this piece I’m going to talk about her.] We celebrate her growing another year, and we celebrate making it through parenthood together another year. Every year I ask her, “Elizabeth, your birthday is coming up! How do you want to celebrate?” Without fail, for 2 years running now, she invites her family, wants a sweet treat [one year it was cereal], wants people to sing happy birthday to her, and she wants to go to the beach. That’s how my girl celebrates – her family, her favorite food, and her happy place. I love it! I want to teach my children how to celebrate the small things and the big things because life is worth celebrating.

Celebrations spark JOY. And JOY sparks well a lot of other things! How many of you wake up in the morning and the first thing you say is, “Ugh, I didn’t sleep well.” OR “Ugh, I could sleep for another 5 years!” OR “Ugh, today is only Tuesday.” OR worse.. start your day by scrolling on social media/checking emails? [That’s a whole other story!] What if you woke up and made yourself say “Today is Tuesday and it’s going to be a great day!” You might feel silly the first time, but I bet after about 2 weeks of waking up with a small celebration you will have better days, and you will feel more energized.

A few weeks ago I was struggling with sleeping, I would get so hot in the middle of the night, then I would get cold, and basically I would toss and turn all night and wake up feeling exhausted saying something like “Man I didn’t sleep at all last night!” Then I would be angry the rest of the day. Let me tell you this didn’t bode well for me, my children, or my husband. OOppps! ha. I was so sick of feeling this way and acting in a way that wasn’t reflective of who I wanted to be, so I started an experiment. I changed blankets, slept with the fan, without the fan, changed the direction the fan blows (yes this is a thing, I can show you if you are wondering–I learned it from a friend and I can pass on this amazing knowledge), changed sleepwear, changed sheets, you name it.. I experimented. And instead of waking up saying “Ugh, I didn’t sleep again last night.” I said, “Well that didn’t work, but I will try something new tonight and today is going to be a great day.” I really work hard to wake up and say positive statements to myself, somehow it really changes the way I look at what is ahead. In case you are wondering — THIS IS CELEBRATING!

Celebrate folks! Celebrate new jobs, heck celebrate them twice — when you get the offer and when you sign your contract. Celebrate making it to the weekend! Celebrate having a home cooked meal! Celebrate yourself. You are worth it! I assure you, if you start celebrating more, you will feel more joy, you will love others more, you will have more grace, and you’ll probably have more time on your hands because well celebrations are productive, stress/bad moods/stagnant days are exhausting and time suckers.

Celebrate with me friends!

xo – Jessica

Not your HOW TO…

This is not a blog on “how to” do life. This is not how to cook, how to save money, how to have the best holiday season, how to be the best mom, etc. Now occasionally you will see a how to from my own experience, it’s just something I did that worked for me, and I am sharing with you because maybe you want to practice a little trial and error to see if it works for you. What do you have to lose?

This is a place to help you create your own how to list. There is no book on life, that is the best part. We are all creating our own how to book. This is a place to help contribute chapters to your own how to do life book. Each season, each experience, each lesson is a different section of your book. If you had to write a table of contents for your life, what would it look like? [Not kidding, go write your table of contents.]

A snippet of my table of contents — I can’t expect you to be honest and vulnerable if I am not:

1. Cuban Culture
2. Childhood – FL
3. Missouri
4. High School – NC
5. Divorce
6. College years
7. Post College years – Raleigh
8. International travel
9. Grad School
10. Dating life
11. Marriage
12. Mom-ing so hard.

I want you to be open, and vulnerable when you are thinking about your table of contents — just like I want you to be open and vulnerable when you think about what’s ahead in your life.

While I wrote my table of contents, I thought about all the experiences and memories that have shaped me throughout my life. I can remember how I felt at that time, and as I look back at each memory I think about all the lessons I learned and how it has all played out later in my life and even now. [Honestly, it brings a lot of perspective to my mothering and my anxieties.]

One day, I was on the phone with one of my best friends who went to medical school right after undergrad and then went through 3 years of residency — she was telling me how she felt like life was happening — her friends were getting married, or already married and having kids, they were buying houses and cars and basically hitting all the “typical” life milestones. Who says that is the way life is suppose to go? ← literally I said that to her. NO ONE! Make your own path, make your own how to book, make it your own. Own it, love it, live it, write it down! That’s the beauty, that’s the joy of life. No one is going to tell you how to do it, you are going to read all the self help books, go to all the counseling, read all the blogs, and you are still going to feel like you aren’t yourself, and it’s because you aren’t. You need to make your own way. Take action, a small step is a step, and I am going to venture to say, you’ve already taken lots of valuable/meaningful/admirable steps, give yourself grace.

It took me until my 30’s to really explore my own story, my own path, and start to write my own book. Brene Brown says between the ages of 30-60 is when we are able to explore our story through vulnerability. She says, between the ages 30-60 is when you realize these are the cards I have and now what do I do with them?

The story is for you to create. The story doesn’t end until well.. The end. (know what I mean?) And your life is so important, your story is your legacy. Write your table of contents, you will see all of your accomplishments, all of your friends/memories/moments. Let’s create our stories together, be vulnerable, and love so hard.

Xo. jessica

ps. this is the book I reference by Brene Brown — DEFINITELY worth a read. Here’s a TED talk about it to get you pumped.

Renewal

Recently I talked about going to that women’s conference at my local church.. and they talked about renewing your spirit in the Lenten Season. I have thought a lot about this in terms of how we renew our spirit.

Currently, I am on a plane traveling by myself (woohoo!) to Texas to visit my bestest friend in the world who’s basically my sister, and to go to a dear friend’s wedding. Double Whammy in Texas – a state I love – and I’m doing it all in about 30 hours including travel. Some of you would read this and think “What in the world? Are you crazy!?” I think of this trip as a time to renew my spirit. I love traveling – I have always loved traveling. [To be clear I don’t love traveling with kids. It’s challenging beyond my gray hairs can handle and quite frankly it’s just not fun. A 4 and 2 year old cannot handle being still long enough to enjoy the joys of travel.]

That bestest friend I was talking about provides me with such comfort – she knows about my whole life, and any opportunity I have to see her renews me, fills my cup, and makes me a better me. I also cry like a little baby every time I leave her, but it’s happy/sad tears. Happy to be with her, and sad to leave her.

This friend’s wedding I’m going to, man, she was such a huge influence on my high school days. She brings out the best in me, she always has, and she’s getting married! We’ve had so many conversations and dreams about this day, and it’s finally here, I wouldn’t miss it for the world. We aren’t as close as we used to be, but we are the kind of friends that we can just pick up where we left off. That’s the best kind of friend in my book. One of the best parts of my trip… SLEEPING IN A HOTEL BY MYSELF.. don’t get me wrong, I love sleeping next to my husband, but sometimes a full night sleep alone is just what the Doctor ordered. And that is what I will do!

Obviously with 2 little kiddos at home [and living on a budget] it isn’t always possible to hop on a plane and scoot away for the weekend – so after the conference I really settled in with what it means to renew. GOOGLE says the definition of renew is: “give fresh life or strength to.” The spirit, mind, body, and soul, all need renewing. You are not bionic. How do you renew? Spend some time with a piece of paper and a pen/pencil and really think through 3 things: 1. What does renewing mean to you? 2. How do you renew? What do you need to make it happen? 3. How do you know when you need renewing?

Here are my answers:

1. Renewing means a sense of refreshment. I want to feel like the cold bubbles on my lips from my sparkling water on a hot summer day.
2. Going for a run, seeing and spending time with close friends and family, spending quality time with my husband, traveling (without kids), sitting on the beach in silence listening to the waves, kisses and hugs from my babies. Most of the time to make any of these things happen I need childcare or a successful nap time. Childcare can be hard to come by, making spirit renewal difficult… MAKE IT A PRIORITY! You won’t regret it.
3. I need renewing when the little things start to irritate me. When I start dropping a lot of things ( I don’t know why, but when I’m a little off, I drop things..) When I’m snippy and short with the people I love. When sleep is hard to come by.

This exercise was SO helpful to me – you should spend some time answering these questions. Really dive deep into them. Write your answers on a piece of paper in a notebook/calendar that you see often. Remind yourself that you are important and you  deserve to be renewed. Share the answers with people around you who can help you make this happen. You will feel so much better and so will your community.

the honest truth, you won’t always be able to renew. It’s okay. You will be okay. Work on making time to make this happen. Also this will evolve over time. The thing that renews your spirit may not renew you in 6 months. Always check in with yourself.

Xo. jessica

 

What the heck is Self Care anyway?

This year my word is “Self care”. (And how appropriate for yesterday being Mother’s Day right?) For the last 4 years I have been pregnant or nursing and none of that time was about me. Do I sound selfish? Good! I need to be selfish. The only way I can provide for everyone else is if I am selfish sometimes. I recently read this book to my children called “Have you filled a bucket today?” It talks about filling others buckets and dipping into your bucket, dipping into other people buckets.. pretty much how to love others and fill their buckets up which will in turn fill your bucket up and allow you to fill others buckets again — it’s cyclical, and my bucket wasn’t getting full, so I needed to figure out how to do that to be my best self.

At the end of 2018 I made a list of all the things I wanted to do, and thought to myself why can’t I do them? I can do them — I just need to be intentional and make it happen because I am worth it. Hence where #selfcare2019 came from.

I want you to make a list of things you want to do for yourself. No more than 10 things over the course of the year that will make you a better person for the people who need you most and ultimately for yourself. Go.. now.. make the list. Not kidding! 

Here are some of the items from my list:

1. Go to a counselor.
2. Read more books – I ended up getting audible for a little while because reading an actual book is not in the cards for me right now. But then I discovered my local library has something similar to audible. So I have been reading up a storm!
3. Find a way to inspire women.
4. Stay off social media.
5. Unfriend people who do not contribute to my positive vibes.
6. Make friends/family a priority.
7. Go to the beach.
8. Love my body.
9. Get into a good sleep routine.
10. Be a more intentional mom.

You see? These are not over the moon ridiculous goals. But these were all things I wanted to do, and I have made them a priority. That’s the key here folks. You can’t make the list and file it away. You need to make the list, post it somewhere you see it all the time, and MAKE IT A PRIORITY. You will thank yourself later, I promise. If you have to share with a friend to keep you accountable, do that. You will feel so much better because you did this. Don’t let your list of self care stay in your mind among all the other thoughts — write it out. Read it every day. 

Currently, I am in month 5 of my self care challenge, and my family notices a difference in me. I am more present. I am able to do more for myself and in turn I am able to do more for others. If you have to take a break from others for a little while to get yourself in check, then do that. YOU ARE THE PRIORITY. What are some things on your list? Go make the list right now, stop making excuses for something you haven’t even written down. How are you going to make them happen?

Think… forward motion. You can do this.

The honest truth: I shared my list with my husband and said I need to complete these things to be a better wife. I tell my children I need to do things for myself so I can be a better mommy. It is uncomfortable because we typically aren’t used to doing things for ourselves – it’s okay – you’ll get used to it. Don’t give up. You are so important.

Xo, Jessica

The Honest Truth Blog.

I’m pretty sure if you ask any of my friends one of the first things they would say about me is, “She’s an open book.” Or “She will tell it like it is.” Or “She doesn’t bullshit.” Because it’s true. I am a real, down to earth, talk about anything kind of gal. Literally anything.

Some people may look at this as a negative quality – and actually I did too for a little while. Mainly because I felt like I should be more reserved and reign in my “real talk” to be what people wanted me to be. DO YOU KNOW HOW HARD THAT WAS? I couldn’t do it! I would try, and fail, and then I would get mad at myself, and lose self esteem, and the cycle would continue over and over. Until one day – pretty recently actually – I decided I didn’t care. I couldn’t hold my self back from myself. Would you believe when I decided to just be my true self, people started complimenting me. “Thank you Jessica for being real. I appreciate conversations with you.” WHAT THE HECK!? Why did I hold back all those years??

All of this soul searching has led me here to — The.Honest.Truth. I want to share with you the truth, the raw pieces of life. Nothing will be sugar coated. [And I expect you all to hold me accountable.] When you are writing sometimes it’s hard not to make things a little cushy to peak interest. That’s not my goal here. I want you to read because it’s the honest truth. I want you to walk away feeling like you learned something, feeling like you are not alone, feeling like you can conquer your tomorrow, your week, your life. I will always write from stories that have happened to me personally, or thoughts that have come to me in my life. Feel free to comment, feel free to share your stories. [Please take your judgement and negative energy somewhere else.] This blog is meant to build a community of truth.

I used to teach a postnatal fitness class, and while we were there for a workout, the best part of the class was the community that we built. I am still friends with those women and I respect them so much for all the struggles and decisions they have had to make and will continue to make for their family. Let’s build community right here, sharing our real and raw stories in a safe place.

I don’t know you, but I want to believe you are being the best.truest.realest. form of yourself that you can be everyday. If you aren’t – start now. We will move through different conversations that will help you discover who you are and help you live out your best self. It took me A LONG TIME — and I am still working on this because I believe this is an ongoing thing. I was actually mad at myself for a little bit, “why couldn’t I figure this person out sooner?” I would ask myself over and over.. the best answer I could come up with was, “because it wasn’t time. You needed to experience life a little to really know who you are.” Your answer might be different, but that’s what I’ve got. I’m hoping to guide you through a different way of thinking, through some self exploration, and some fun and funny real stories about life. 

Here’s a little more about who I am because I want you to know all the things about me — I want you to know I am real and I care: I’m a mom. I love to cook. I sweat.. like a lot. I have adult acne that I battle daily. I have lower back pain that flares every now and again, I’ve had it since I played soccer in high school. My family is Cuban. I speak Spanish. I am a Sigma Kappa. I love photography, but I don’t think I am good enough to start my own company so I’m always a second shooter with other established photographers. (Maybe one day..) I always want to do more. I wish there was more time in the day because I want to do everything. I like driving. I like NASCAR. My favorite drivers are Chase Elliot and Ryan Blaney. Cancer sucks. I love coffee, too much. I love to travel. I have club thumb. [google it.] I cannot survive without my contacts/glasses. I love to workout. I can be anything. I can do anything. I hate cleaning toilets. I’m a little bit of a germaphobe. I’m a little bit of a perfectionist… truth: a lot of a perfectionist. I love a massage. I love the beach.

Follow me on this journey. I will have guest bloggers because I have some REALLY awesome friends who have a lot of real things to share. [I realize I’m biased, but my friends are my community and I wouldn’t trade them for the world.] I’m so excited to get started! Share a little bit about yourself below. Whatever you feel comfortable sharing. Let’s get this truth party started!

Xo, Jessica

Hello There!

I recently attended a conference at my local church – it was a women’s conference, and they had presenters to talk about different topics regarding renewing your spirit in the Lenten season. Would you believe they didn’t introduce any of the speakers? You know typically they would say something like, “…and now help me welcome (insert the name of your choice here) she is a best selling author of ____ and a researcher in ____…” You get the idea… well there was none of that! Apparently, the people who spoke at this conference were authors and well known folks in the Christian world, and honestly I only know this because I looked them up myself. Had I known they were big timers I would have introduced myself and… well, probably not, but it would have been nice to know.

That statement above is coming from someone who is adamant that it doesn’t matter who you are as long as you have a message that resonates with people. I want to speak to women all over about being their best self, I want to mentor and help women get to a place that is happy for them (because it’s okay to feel JOY), where they feel empowered to do anything, where they can say no and where they can say yes if they want – it ain’t easy out there ladies, but the good news, YOU ARE NOT ALONE.

While it would have been nice to know the speaker was an author or a well known public speaker, or a mom, or a wife, sister, college graduate.. it would not have changed my thoughts on the message. And that is what I believe is important.

So, as we begin this journey together, here’s a little bit about me. I am a wife – I have been married for 7 years this year, and I downright love my husband. He is so perfect for me in so many ways, he is my best friend, he is my rock. Now let me be clear, it isn’t rainbows and butterflies all the time. As a matter of fact, the other day [during bath and bed time with our 2 kids] he decided he was going to go tighten a pipe in our guest bath because there was a slow leak behind the toilet. Next thing I know, there is a loud rush of water, and a busted pipe. This led to an emergency plumber visit and a less than smooth bath and bedtime… I was less than thrilled…  But you know, these things happen in a marriage, we talk about it, pay for the plumber, and move on because honestly what’s the sense in lingering on it?

I am a mom. This is one of the best parts of me. I love being a mom. I actually remember being pregnant with my first child and people asking me [at 38 week pregnant] “Are you ready for your life to change forever?” and you know I did this awkward laugh and said something like “I guess! There’s no turning back now!” Looking back I wish I would’ve said something like “YES! I can’t wait! I have dreamed of becoming a mother my whole life. It’s going to be the best journey yet!” That’s just how excited and enthusiastic I was and am about my mom life.

I am a college graduate – I went to NCState for undergrad and majored in Biology. I was going to go to medical school, but decided at the final hour that it wasn’t for me. I went on to AppState to get a Master’s Degree in College Student Development, worked in the field for a bit, and now I work with an HR company. — My dad came over for dinner the other day and made it clear that I have 2 degrees that do not contribute to my current employment in HR or as a stay at home mom – I disagree. I feel all my work and education experiences have contributed to this moment in my life. Everything has transferable skills, it’s just a matter of how you use them! Don’t EVER feel like you are only meant for one career. Also about college… college Jessica was a different Jessica – and man I wish I could go back and do it over again. I would be the best student/friend/roommate ever! I had fun in college… and I don’t regret it, but man I wish I had focused on being a student a little more!

Throughout this blog you will learn about me – I am an ambitious, caring, determined, stubborn, passionate, loving, structured, goal oriented, friend, daughter, coworker, wife, mom.  I love life, I love helping people, I love motivating women to be the best version of themselves because we deserve it, and so does our community. I will talk a lot about my experiences – leave the judgement at the door. There’s no room for that here.

the honest truth. I can’t wait to get to know all of you. And I hope the truth I share with you allows you to seek your truth.

Xo – Jessica