Multitasking

Multitasking means you are doing more than one task at a time. Which if you think about it means you aren’t giving 100% of your attention to any one thing. People take pride in saying “I am a good multitask-er.” But are you? Personally, I always have like 20 tabs open on my browser, I can one look at one at a time anyway — WHY do I do that!? When I reduce it to just one tab, I am able to work so much better because I don’t have all the other distractions. 

The world has made us HAVE to multitask. Think about driving in the car: you have other drivers, your speedometer, your radio, your mirrors, your AC or heat, if it’s raining your windshield wipers… and then police wonder how you are speeding? “Well officer I was focused on turning on my windshield wipers.” You might get a good chuckle with that response. 

How many times has someone been talking to you and you’ve been nose deep on your phone thinking you are listening but then they ask you a question and you don’t have a response because you weren’t really fully engaged. How embarrassing! AND how annoying for the person speaking to you. The conversation in front of you is most important, unless you excuse yourself to handle something otherwise. 

STOP multitasking ALL THE TIME. It is not necessary. Our minds are not meant to be working on 5 million things at once. Have one tab open when you are on your computer. Set “phone times” if something pops into your mind when it isn’t a phone time, then make yourself a note either on paper or on your reminder app. Don’t start 20 things because then you have to go back and finish all 20 things you started. Start one thing, and finish one thing. If you can’t complete a piece of what you are doing because you are waiting on someone else to complete part of the project, then put a “bookmark” in it and set a time when you will return to it. That way it is out of your mind and you can completely focus on something else. 

Try something with me, notice I said with me… I need to work on this too! My phone is always attached to my hands. It is my life line.. so sad, but it’s the truth. Let’s allow 3x per day for 5 minutes each time to scroll/check email/do whatever you need to do at a time when you can focus your full attention on it. Begin to be intentional on all the pieces of life, be completely focused when completing tasks at work with one browser open, be completely focused on laundry, cooking dinner, playing with your kids, exercising, all of it, whatever you do focus on that task. I have started to remind myself in my head, “right now you are focused on driving to pick up the kids from school.” or “right now you are focused on cooking dinner.” It serves as a reminder to myself as to what I am doing (because I can quickly get wrapped into 10 million things) and it is a reminder to myself to stay focused. Focused on one thing. Distractions are going to happen.. if you have kids, they will inevitably need you in which case you say to yourself “I am helping the kids right now.” If you work, people will inevitably come into your office unannounced and you will have to stop what you are doing. The more you can keep your focus on what is happening right in the moment you will see how less stressed/overwhelmed/anxiety ridden you will be. 

WE are in control of our time. If you are constantly multitasking that could mean a few things: 1. You are not using your time wisely. 2. You are not actually good at multitasking so you are always going back and making mistakes. 3. You have too much on your plate and we need to start saying NO to tasks that are not worthy of your time. 4. You are avoiding feelings. 5. You need to learn to delegate. 

In job descriptions and in job interviews they will always mention something like “ability to multitask” what does that even mean? Do you want me REALLY to work on more than one task at one time? Perhaps the better language here would be “Ability to manage tasks from more than one project at a time.” I manage more than one project at a time all day long, but I am not always multitasking. I want to focus my time on ONE THING so I can perform at my best! 

My day looks a little something like this: Wake up, workout, put a load of laundry in the wash, make coffee, make lunches, serve up coffee (see how I came back to this project to complete it?), make breakfast and eat breakfast, shower, switch laundry to the dryer (again see how I came back to this task?), work on emails for work, get the kids ready for school, pack backpacks, out the door to drive kids to school… You get the idea. ONE.TASK.AT.A.TIME. Typically during this time we are in a hustle so there isn’t really a lot of “free time” but I also do not allow phone distractions, or other distractions (like the TV,  music blaring, news, etc) that are not my children who need me. Did you read that? I DO NOT ALLOW… because you are in control of that. You can choose to “multitask” or you can choose to be FULLY PRESENT. 

I choose fully present. Who’s with me?

xo, Jessica

Some multitasking articles that I read after writing this post.. and I found pretty interesting.

ARTICLE ONE

ARTICLE TWO

Family+expectations = disaster

You know, sometimes I don’t like what summer social media has to offer. Everyone is on a family vacation making memories and doing things together. Whether they really love each other or are fighting every second of the day, I will never know because on social media they look like they are having the time of their life. Growing up, my family never took big vacations. I have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and we never all planned a beach trip or any trip for that matter all together. My immediate family [when we were all together] would take family vacations to Disney World, the beach, mountains, etc. Those were always so fun because well.. we didn’t really have a choice but to like each other and to be together. I have so many fun memories of some of our [immediate] family vacations we took. 

So, what I’m saying is if it weren’t for social media I wouldn’t know any better. I wouldn’t know that people took vacations with their extended family. I wouldn’t have FOMO, I wouldn’t care. But I do. But it’s not just about going on vacations and making memories, it’s about holidays, it’s about weekend getaways when a fun opportunity comes about.. it’s all of those things. I want to rent a house on the beach and under one roof have all of my family. I would also like for everyone to always get along and have fun — sounds pretty lofty huh? HA. 

What if I just focused on fun memories for myself and my children? Vacations are not what it is all about. Most of my childhood memories are not from vacations. They are from my day to day life in my house playing with the neighbor kids, playing with my sister, and school.. lots of memories are from school. 

Stop setting yourself up for failure. When you set unrealistic expectations you will always be let down. You will always feel anxiety, you will always feel disappointed. Instead, say out loud, “Isn’t it so awesome they are enjoying their family on a vacation?” or “Isn’t it so awesome that they have the same tradition for Christmas every year?” When you waste time doting on someone else’s traditions/vacations/family gatherings etc, you waste time away from your own opportunity to create a memory. So go create a memory.

When I was growing up my grandmother and grandfather would host Thanksgiving at their house, every year! It was kind of a big occasion for them mainly because their anniversary was around that time, but also they loved Thanksgiving and having everyone at their house enjoying a meal together. It was about 30-40 people from my dad’s side of the family under one roof. This was the one time each year that I would get to see that side of my family. It was pure chaos with kids running around, food all across the table, the doorbell ringing nonstop with more family arriving, music blaring, alcohol flowing, loud Spanish speaking, laughing, and just pure JOY… you know the Cuban’s like to do it up! This is one of my best memories as a kid. Also probably why I love Thanksgiving so much! I will never live up to this kind of party hype with family, but man I can only try. [If social media were around when these Thanksgiving celebrations happened, you would definitely have FOMO! :)]

My family will never have a family reunion, my family will never go to a beach house for a week, they will never go on a cruise, or really do anything together because that’s just not who my family is and that’s ok. My family visits when they can, and they are there for my kids birthday party, holiday celebrations, horseback riding lessons, swim lessons, and day to day fun. Don’t set you or your family up for failure, it’s not healthy for you or for anyone else. Focus on what you can control. 

Enjoy your family beach week! 

xo, Jessica

Perfection

Confession: I am a perfectionist. This is a problem. Like I am the kind of perfectionist that sits in a waiting room and will adjust all the pictures hanging on the wall if they are crooked. Yeah, that kind of perfectionist. 

The kind of perfectionist that needs everything to have a home in my house. Somehow with 2 littles (and a husband) there are always little pieces and things lying around everywhere. And the mail (can I get an AMEN?) the mail.. why does it just sit on the counter? No way, not in my house! This woman cannot/will not allow the mail to pile up. 

I’m also the perfectionist that had to let go of my kids coloring a coloring book upside down, or letting them play with toys and MUD however they want to. (Mud is still an issue for me, but I am working through it. The shoes. The clothes. The walls. The floor.. AHH!) I have had to let go of the playroom/living room/and half bathroom downstairs being cleaned up and clean all the time. Can it really be a “playroom” if it’s not a wreck? My perfectionist self has to take deep breaths and let go because in this wreck of a playroom is where my kids imaginations run wild. 

My perfectionist tendencies is  also where my imagination and creativity are paralyzed.. 

With perfection comes control, and if I’m being completely honest, I like control. I like to know what is going to happen and be prepared to the max. Perfection and control create a lot of anxiety and pressure to be the best and always do the best. I feel like I am constantly battling in my head “This is your perfection, this is your need to be in control, this is your anxiety over perfection and control, take deep breaths, what have you learned? How can you calm and control yourself?” Almost daily I remind myself that I can only control myself. Even the 2 little people I have the privilege of raising cannot be controlled to my perfectionist ways. They have strong personalities of their own, and they are figuring out how to do life in their own ways. 

Perfection is great because I am always holding myself to a higher standard, but it is also stressful, unrealistic, and not really looked at as positive. In the workplace I have had people tell me to not go above and beyond because then that is going to be considered the norm “and you can never come down from that”. I have also had people in my workplace tell me that my perfection will go unnoticed so it’s not necessary to go the extra mile. I have been told I am too controlling, I am too much of a planner, I have unrealistic expectations, I am too much of a perfectionist. For someone who is their own worst critic when they fail or when they don’t exceed expectations, these things are hard to hear. As a perfectionist, I don’t like to let people down, I don’t want people to feel like I didn’t do enough. I don’t want to disappoint. 

But sometimes… I can’t do enough. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s not perfect, and that’s okay. I am not a perfectionist for anyone else, I am a perfectionist for me. It is not easy to work through all the layers of perfection that have and continue to burden me. For one: Give yourself grace and Two: Being perfect isn’t always the answer. Sometimes good is perfect… and you just have to remember that. 

I allow myself to fail, I allow myself to not always be perfect, I allow myself to have and set low expectations for myself and those around me (it’s not you it’s me! I’m setting you up for success!) I allow myself to not be in control, I allow myself to not be PERFECT. What is perfect anyway? A straight picture frame on the wall? or A messy playroom where memories have been made and imagination has run wild? You decide. 

Perfection doesn’t have to limit you, don’t ever apologize for it, and despite what anyone says perfection can help you soar. 

xo, 

Jessica 

SAHM/WAHM

SAHM = Stay at home mom

WAHM = Work at home mom

“What do you do?” ← a question I dread. Mainly because I haven’t developed an elevator speech for what I actually do, but also because when I tell people, there are so many judgments and it’s a conversation closer. No one seems to know how to talk to me about what I actually do. 

“I am a stay at home mom, but I also work from home part time as an HR Operations Specialist for Employers Advantage, and I am a spin instructor at 2 local gyms.” Too much? Now that I am typing this and reading it, maybe it is too much. they were just wanting a quick “oh I work for blah blah blah company..” But what I answered with is actually what I do, so why ask the question if you don’t want the real answer. 

If I am talking to working mothers, all they hear is the stay at home mom part and say something like “..we just aren’t in a place to do that right now.” Which let me say, we weren’t always in that place either.. we worked so hard, SO HARD, to get to a place where I can be home with the kids and work part time. But I can’t say that in the middle of a conversation, although in my head I am screaming it to the top of my lungs! 

If I am talking to stay at home mothers, all they hear is I stay home with the kids. 

There are a few people who hear both, and understand. “Wow you must shift gears so much during the day!” Yes mama, yes I do. It’s exhausting. It’s rewarding. It’s joyful. It’s tiring. It’s eye opening. 

Isn’t it interesting how we hear what we want to hear? But here’s the reality — I am a stay at home mom and a working mom because I WANT to be. I want to be a part of all my kids moments. I want to be there for them when they need it most. I want to love on them all day, I want to put them down for nap and be there when they wake up. BUT… I also want to work. I want to do something I love with people who are smart, ambitious, and motivated. I want to contribute financially to my family, and I want to continue my career even if it’s just at a part time capacity at the moment. 

After I had my daughter, I struggled dropping her off at daycare and then coming to work for 9 hours a day where I spent 3-4 of those hours really doing nothing. All I could think about is all the fun I could be having with my girl. Making memories, and loving on her. At that moment I set out to find a way to be a SAHM and a WAHM (work at home mom). I took on another job because if I was going to sit at work with free time then I might as well work and make money. So that is what I did. I found a job that I could work from anywhere in a field I loved. I SAVED all of that “extra” money because I figured when I quit my salaried job to be home with my girl I would need some auxiliary funds. I worked the 2 jobs simultaneously for almost 2 YEARS [2 YEARS folks!] before I could quit my 8-5 salaried position. When I had my son, I quit my job. It was scary. It was really scary, but looking back it was the best decision I made for myself and my family. I kept my part time “work from home” position and stayed home with my son during his first year of life. My daughter was still in full time childcare because I was still working and she needed more than I could provide during the day with work and my son needing me all the time.  My part time “work from home” turned into a go into the office 2 days a week and not so part time. Cue hiring a babysitter and putting my son into a morning out program 4 days/week. It became harder and harder to juggle financially and the amount of time I was spending at work — I started to work weekends and then I was not able to spend time with my family. It was starting to take a toll on me, and I was ready to quit. Then we got the news that we were going to move. It was at this time when I decided I wanted a career shift. I made a list of all the things I wanted in my next position… here was my list:

1. Work with smart, ambitious, respectful, caring people. 
2. Work with people who understand my limits and dedication to my kids. 
3. FULL work from home job. No underlying expectations to go into an office.
4. Work in HR, because I love policy and people. 
5. Ability to work part time hours, and no weekends unless I choose to. 
6. Work with people who know how to and enjoy using technology. 

I was determined to find something that met all of my values and needs. My husband thought I was crazy and told me this didn’t exist. I didn’t give up. I knew it was possible, and for my kids it was worth finding it. So my quest began. 

To my surprise, and everyone else in my life who thought I was crazy, I found my DREAM job. My job matches all my must have items on my list plus some. I’m blown away every day that I am able to be with my kids and work. It is possible folks! I have a friend who also does the same thing. She is a SAHM and a WAHM, she works at home doing graphic design while her kids sleep and when she gets a free moment during the day. It isn’t easy to balance it all, but I love every minute of it. Who said you can’t do everything you love? You can! I work from home with an HR company, I teach spin classes at 2 local gyms, I write a blog that I am over the moon passionate about, and I stay home with my babies. You can make it happen! It may not happen tomorrow but baby steps will get you to your next step. It’s easy to get lost in the baby steps.. for me it felt like the steps were never big enough to make a difference, but they were and they are, so stay focused and DON’T GIVE UP! My kids are different children (in a good way) now that I am home. I am a different person (in a good way) now that I am home and doing things I love. You may not want to stay home with your kids, or you might be in a different place in life, but find those things you love and make steps to move in that direction to really be the true you. 

What do you need to be the true you? Can I help in anyway? I am glad to help you with a plan. 

Stay focused. Make a list. What is it you want/need to be the true you? Remember baby steps are still steps in the right direction even though it may feel like you are standing still. 

xo, jessica

A work colleague and I at a luncheon — we received trees as our gift which is why there are twigs in our picture.

My family enjoying a little summertime treat!

You won’t have it all.

Do you read books/blog/insta stories like mine and get disheartened because you feel like you will never achieve all the things? Maybe you don’t have the money, maybe you don’t have the motivation, maybe you have some mental health challenges that you are working through and feel burdened by thinking about anything else. Maybe you are in an unhealthy relationship, maybe you are working 3 jobs to make ends meet and literally cannot think of anything else except sleep. Maybe you just had a baby and you can’t focus on anything else. Maybe you work a lot. Maybe you travel a lot. Maybe you just can’t bust out of the comfort bubble you’ve created. 

I’m here to tell you… IT’S OKAY! Really it’s okay. 

My blog is not meant to overwhelm you. It is not meant to make you think what you are doing isn’t good enough. It is not meant to make you be discouraged. 

We are all in different places in our stories. If you are living paycheck to paycheck and can’t afford anything, that is so tough. It can mentally bring you down. It can physically bring you down. There are still opportunities for you. You just have to think creatively — maybe you can coupon to reduce your food bill? Do you have a trade? Can you sell on etsy? Do you have things around your house that you don’t need? Maybe you can sell those items. Can’t afford a gym membership? Go outside! I have so many workouts I have done in my driveway while my kids were napping or at 5AM, I didn’t need a gym to do it.. I just needed motivation. I had a friend who was mentally exhausted by her finances — so one day we sat down and made a plan to get her out of debt so she could live life without the weight of being financially burdened. It was so tough for her because she had to make A LOT of sacrifices, but she did it! In one year she was able to eliminate almost all her debt and live life financially free. 

Do you have mental health challenges? Seek help. Really.. you don’t have to do any of it alone. I personally see a counselor once a month. I think of it as an oil change or a tune up for my mental health. Society has made people feel like if they are receiving counseling they are “broken”. I have news, we are all a little broken, so get help, and begin the repairs. 

Are you in an unhealthy relationship, but you are scared to get out? This is tough. And I am sorry you are in this situation. Seek help from your community (friends, family, etc), seek help from a counselor, financial advisor, legal advisor… it may be less overwhelming than you think. From my own experience, my parents divorced when I was 18. I never really saw the “unhealthiness” to their relationship — I think my parents hid it from me, so when they separated it came as a bit of a shock. I was angry at them for a long time that they didn’t take the time to work it out, or figure out how to be better together.. I mean they were together for 21 years, it seemed like they could work it out. Now after almost 15 years, while I am not okay that my parents chose divorce, I would rather them be happy. And happiness for them meant not being together. Maybe think about where your happiness is? That could be your guiding light. 

If you just had a baby, you are making forward motion everyday keeping that little human alive. Keeping yourself alive. Keep doing you mama. You are rocking it! 

I wanted to write this because often it is easy to get caught up in the hype to keep doing more, we keep moving to the next thing, or getting bummed because we don’t have the stamina or the means to do more. Baby steps people… baby steps. If you save $3 on your next grocery bill, well that is $3 you could use to put toward your savings. If you weren’t active today because 5AM came too early, try tomorrow. 

Writing down your goals, your baby steps, your plan is a cost free, easy start to the next step to the best truthful you. 

LIFE is an adventure. LIFE is a journey. And you can be in the pits, or you can be in the sunflower fields. You can be living life at 100mph, or you can pump the brakes and enjoy like at 35mph. You are in control. Do not get discouraged. Keep that forward motion with baby steps. You won’t have it all, but you can always be working for more.

xo, Jessica

Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy. – The Frizz

I don’t know if you’ve ever watched The Magic School Bus — if you haven’t, you’re in luck. Netflix has 4 seasons of the old Magic School Bus available to watch. (There is an old and new Magic School Bus on Netflix for your reference.) We have watched the new Magic School Bus, but since I watched this show growing up, the new ones just aren’t the same to me. You can watch and decide for yourself. 

The teacher, Ms. Frizzle, has this saying she says to the students in her class everytime they go on a field trip, and it goes like this, “Like I always say! Take chances, make mistakes, and get messy!” Wooowwwweeee — Ms. Frizzle, can you talk to me a little more directly? 

I recently read Born a Crime by Trevor Noah — I highly recommend the read — and in his book he says something like being comfortable where you are is great, it creates a foundation, and a strong ground for you to stand on, but it also creates a ceiling…. okay Trevor, mic drop. Read that again. Comfort creates a foundation, but it also creates a ceiling. 

In a previous job I had, as a team builder my supervisor made us do this personality assessment, you know what it said? That I didn’t like change.. haha.. me. not like change? This thing must be flawed. I mean really, I don’t mind change, I encourage change, I seek change… And then change happens and I freak out. FREAK.OUT. We recently changed jobs, moved to a new city, the kids left their friends and started at a new school, bought a house, sold our FIRST home we bought together… that’s enough change right? I was anxious for me, for my kids, for my husband, for our new life, for the packing, unpacking, etc. It was overwhelming, and while I was excited and welcomed the change, it was a lot to handle at times. I guess that would be the “get messy” part?

Why are we so scared to take chances, make mistakes, and get messy? For me, when I was 23, I was excited for new possibilities and change, now at 32, stability is the name of my game. It’s comforting. And we all love comfort. Comfort food. Comfort blanket. Comfort place. It’s reassuring and grounding. These are all the things I listed when we were in the season of change. I listed all the things that comforted me, that grounded me. Mainly so I was reassured when I felt overwhelmed that it was going to be okay, but also as a reminder to find those people, places, or things, and have a minute. Just take a minute and take a deep breath. It was safe and relaxing. 

Have you been in that job forever? Maybe you love it, maybe you don’t… What is keeping you there? Is it worth looking for the next step in your career? What is holding you back?

Have you been contemplating starting your own business? What is holding you back? Finances? Think of baby steps, maybe start online? start on social media! Find a quick side hustle to earn you some extra money. 

Have you been thinking about moving out west? or back east? What is stopping you? Write down baby steps to start moving in that direction. 

Have you been thinking about caring for your body a little more, but you keep putting off until the next Monday and the next Monday and the next? What is stopping you from caring for yourself?

“Take CHANCES, make MISTAKES, get MESSY.” It doesn’t get anymore real than this. Ms. Frizzle is right — we need to do these things in order to adventure and journey through life. What are you holding on to in your comfort? Make a list of comforting people, places, things for you, see if that helps you get over the bridge to breaking through the ceiling of comfort. 

You got this! I’m over here cheering you on! 

xo, Jessica

Busy Busy Busy

Are you busy? I’m busy. Too busy to call, to mail a letter, to text, to think about you, to workout (definitely too busy to workout), too busy to do laundry, to busy to cook, too busy to play with the kids, too busy to visit a friend, too busy to shave my legs (yikes!), too busy… just too busy!

I have a friend who refuses to say he was “too busy”, he will either say, “I am sorry I haven’t….(insert whatever he hasn’t done here)” or “I will (insert whatever he is going to do here.)” He never makes an excuse and he always follows through because he doesn’t set unrealistic expectations for himself. You will never hear the words “too busy” come out of his mouth. Because the reality is we are all TOO BUSY!

My days are crazy, I have 2 kids, 2 jobs — 3 if you want to count that I am also a stay at home mom, and I am truly busy. But you know what I always have time for? Scrolling on social media — gasp! What if I used that time to write a letter to a friend, or my sick grandmother who can no longer speak. What if I used that time to CALL a friend, like actually pick up the phone and call. And instead of telling my friends, “I will come visit!” actually set a date and plan a trip to visit. It’s all talk until you actually put action behind it, and if it’s a priority, make it a priority.

“I’m too busy to workout.” — I hear this often. I am a fitness instructor and people lovvveeeee this excuse. Here’s the deal, do you have 20 minutes? Cool. You have time to workout. Youtube has a ton of videos you can do. Also, yoga is a workout. So do that! Meditate and workout, i’d say that is a win win.

“I never get to see my friends/family, I’m so busy.” Let me ask, but are you REALLY that busy? Do you get a lunch break? I have a friend who calls me on her lunch break while she goes for a walk outside. Two birds, one stone. Exercise and chatting with a friend. Maybe you plan a lunch with a friend — get out of your office and make a point to grab lunch. Call a friend RIGHT NOW and make lunch plans. No excuse. You aren’t THAT busy.. and if you are let’s chat about saying NO to things that are not important. Your friends live far away? Get on the phone, plan a date/deadline by when you will see them. MAKE IT HAPPEN. Hold each other accountable. Time will slip away unless you are intentional. My best friend and I live states away, we each have 2 kids, but we make a point to see each other at least once a year because that is important to us. Work it in the budget. Work it on the calendar. Relationships are important, invest in the people you love the most.

“I’m too busy to clean/do laundry.” HIRE A CLEANING SERVICE. Not kidding. If it’s too much, ask for help. Your probably like, wait a minute, she was just telling me to make time, stop scrolling on Facebook, and now you want me to hire a service?! YUP! That is exactly right! YOU CANNOT DO IT ALL! So ask for help. This is something you can delegate, and if it’s truly overwhelming, put it in the budget and hire someone. A few years ago I told my husband I needed help cleaning the house, he was in a doctorate program, we had a 3 and a 1 year old, I was working 3 jobs, and there was literally no time. So we hired someone to come to our house every other week for 3 hours to clean the bathrooms, the floors, and the kitchen — what a dream that was! Ask for help, relieve something somewhere so you can put energy into things that matter.

“I don’t have time for anything, we are always so busy!” I want to call bullshit on this right now. Although if you want to keep using this as an excuse go right ahead, I will HONESTLY NOT JUDGE YOU. For real. You have to decide when enough is enough and make a change. This year I decided to stop saying I am too busy — we are all busy — and I decided to start making plans to do more. I want the people in my life to know that I value and cherish them. They are on this life journey with me for a reason and they are my tribe. My kids. My friends. My family. Myself. That is who and where I want to invest my time. This may look different for you, and that is okay. Figuring out where you want to invest your time and what that looks like is half the battle… the other half is executing.

Take action toward whatever it is you want to invest in. Take out the words “too busy” from your vocabulary. We are all too busy these days, no need to remind everyone.

xox,

Jessica