Happy and Merry

Friends. I have been MIA since November. My apologies. I always hated following a blog where the writer would just go missing after a few months of good content, and here I did it to you. My apologies.

I have been honestly crazy busy — I launched a new business — eek! Can you hear my excitement? It has been a dream of mine to own my own company and do something to help others. And here I am!

INTRODUCING: Health and Wellness with Jessica Lorello. I offer group sessions for new and expecting mothers where we talk about all of the things no one talks about! For instance, FMLA — who teaches you to complete that paperwork? Childcare — how do you know what you are looking for in a daycare, stay at home nanny, or even what it takes to be a stay at home parent? We talk about the differences between doctors, doulas, certified nurse midwives, nurse practitioners, etc. We talk about your rights in the hospital and how to keep hospital costs down, different types of birthing strategies, navigating your insurance, navigating tough conversations with your partner, and there is even a session just for dads. I wish I had something like this when I was pregnant with my first baby.

Along with prenatal education, I have a group session for postpartum women and women entering the 4th trimester. Both are very informative to that new mother navigating their way through life with a newborn.

I also offer 1:1 coaching/mentoring for college students and recently graduated college students who might be having a tough time. You know when you receive your first paycheck out of college and you blow it all on one night at the bar? Yeah, I can help with that. Or now you work 8-5 with a 30 minute commute each way, how are you suppose to wake up so early? How are you suppose to have time to do anything fun? Yeah, I can help with that too. Is your college student struggling to have a consistent schedule day to day? Are they partying too much or are they just not communicating with you? Maybe their eating habits are not positively contributing to their learning.. I can help. Finances and time management seem to be the most difficult for college students and recent graduates, hire me and I can help.

Visit my website: http://www.wellnessbyjlo.com — sign up for a service. I assure you that you will not be disappointed. I am beyond passionate about this and I am excited to work with all of you. We all have hard times, and while it might be hard to ask for help, it is okay. I am giving you the okay. IT IS OKAY TO ASK FOR HELP.

In advance, I want to thank you all for your support. This has been a long process to get to this place and the support I have received has been unbelievable. Thank you.

I will see you soon!

xo, Jessica

Simplify with Gabby

Friends/Readers/Followers, meet my dear friend Gabby. Gabby and I met when I was working at a gym teaching postnatal fitness. She had just had her youngest son who was 5 weeks early. In this particular class, I would set up stations around the room for the participants to complete different exercises while I kept the babies happy off to the side of the room. I knew Gabby and I were going to be friends when she came in to the class from this initial interaction… I introduced myself, she introduced herself and introduced me to her son, then continued to say that she would prefer I not take him out of the car seat since it was flu season and he was premature.

A momma speaking truth and not feeling shame to protect her baby – that’s a momma I want to hang with! Gabby and I have stayed friends even though we don’t live in the same town and I value her friendship so much! Gabby is real, she is raw, she is a giver, an advocate, passionate, loving, caring, thoughtful, smart, talented, she is definitely not afraid to get dirty, she is practical, she’s an adventurer, and she listens. This is a friend you want!

I asked Gabby to write something in relation to the mission of the honest truth blog, whatever was speaking to her at the moment, and she wrote about simplification. it seems so simple, but there are so many places/ways to simplify that we often over look. Read below about Gabby’s experience and feel free to comment with your simplification ideas/techniques!

xo, Jessica

“Simplify”

Every New Year’s Eve for the past 9 years my family has gathered with 5 other families to ring in another year of life, love and community. After we put all the kids in bed, the adults gather to share their highs, lows and either a goal or word for the coming year. We’re super cool, I promise 🙂

For 2019, my goal was “intentionality” and my word was “simplify”.

For me, these two things go hand in hand. I want to take the time to enjoy this stage of life with my boys, I want to make space for my husband and I want to be able to look back and not feel like I was sinking through toddler-hood. In order to do this, I needed to simplify my life and be very intentional with my time and energy (because let’s face it, waking up at the crack of dawn ready to roll does not give one endless amounts of energy).

Emily Ley wrote in A Simplified Life that “when we pare down life to its simplest parts, we’re left with room to enjoy each other, to rest, and truly savor life with all our hearts, minds and spirits.”

When I started thinking about my goal and word for the year, I had to really think about what I wanted for myself and my life for this year. Nine months into the year, it’s still a work in progress, but this is what I’ve discovered… I want to remember this time with my boys. I want to not spend all my time cooking, cleaning and keeping our home “functional” but also need it to be “functional”…I use that word loosely as it changes based on my mood, anxiety levels and schedule for the coming days!

So if those are the things that I want, how do I make this work? Our house cannot be a disaster zone and I need time and space for myself to reclaim energy and balance. These may not be issues for you, but for me, I function best in that space.

I’m still tweaking what works for me/my family as we go, but so far, this is what I’ve found…

• Declutter your inbox and social media and set time limits…I unfriended and unfollowed people I don’t know, don’t bring me joy, or haven’t spoken to in over 5 years. I took a couple of days to work my way through the thousands of emails hanging out in my inbox and made folders for events/topics that are important so that I can reference them quickly. I also took advantage of the Screen Time limits on my phone. It doesn’t completely stop me from aimlessly scrolling Insta, but it definitely makes me think twice about my time and I feel better when feeding my brain with interesting new things rather than other people’s pointless musings.
• Early this spring I took part in Emily Ley’s Ruthless Declutter Challenge (after quoting her above and then noting this, I feel like I look like a huge EL fan but I have to admit, a friend recommended her challenge and I just read her book, so no worries, I haven’t gone full happy stripe just yet). Over the course of a month, I went room by room in our house and got rid of all the things that were broken, excessive, didn’t fit, etc. I took 3 separate loads of stuff to Goodwill and it felt so good. I didn’t have to worry about the boys pulling out clothes that didn’t fit and the battle to have them change into something that did, I could open our cabinets without water bottles falling out, and I knew where things were that I previously could not locate.
• Meal prep…I need to be much better about this, but I find that our days go much smoother and I feel less stressed when I have our fruit and veggies chopped and ready to go for the day. I can then pull them out to throw in a smoothie, into a pan or straight on a plate saving me precious time during that awful 4-6pm time frame when everyone is starving and needs all the attention! Some days I prep them first thing in the morning while making breakfast, or if I’m really on my game, on Sundays for the bulk of the week.
• Shoes by the door. This is my most recent adjustment to our life. I’m working on making the change to no shoes on in the house…we have wood floors, I feel like I sweep ALL.THE.TIME so I’m hoping this will help, and it’s just less germy. I bought a big basket from HomeGoods, all the shoes will slowly find their way in to it and there will hopefully be less searching, less throwing shoes back to their rooms, less grime all over and less sweeping! Once can hope.
• This is a shellfish adjustment, but when I looked back over the last couple of years, I realized that I had read less than 3 books (for me, not the kids) in the past 4 years. For me, that’s ridiculous! I LOVE reading. It gives my introvert-self life. In order to pour into my family, I needed to get back to doing things for myself as well. I set another goal to read at least 12 books this year. I’m at 13 and it’s September. I feel better, I feel like I’m using my time wisely.

None of these things are completely life altering, but they are little things that I have chosen to try out. Small changes that make me feel more together and less stressed so that I can focus in on my family and remember this precious time. Now, real truth…have I been totally successful in all these things? Absolutely not. I still could put more effort into relationship with my husband and time with my boys. I decluttered my email and social media but still struggle with spending too much time on Insta/Facebook and have let my emails pile up again. I did declutter all the rooms in our house except two, life got busy and I never got back to those last two rooms. I meal prep when I can and our shoes will probably still be all over the house because I have a 2 and 4 yr old and that’s just life.  These are small things that help when I can make it happen. Do I stress when one of my systems doesn’t work quite right, sure, it’s part of my type A, enneagram 8, Myers’s Briggs J personality. But am I trying? Absolutely. Do my boys care if I’m not successful at being 100% intentional or simplify all the things…not one bit. They care if I have time to sit down and play trucks with them, run through a sprinkler or sing Blippi songs. And those are the little things I want to remember. I care and try to make things better for my family, but not at the cost of being with my family.

How have you simplified your life? What tools, tricks, tips can you share with us that might be helpful? What does intentionality mean for you? I’d love to hear what each of you are doing to be more intentional with your families and how you are simplifying your life.

 

Multitasking

Multitasking means you are doing more than one task at a time. Which if you think about it means you aren’t giving 100% of your attention to any one thing. People take pride in saying “I am a good multitask-er.” But are you? Personally, I always have like 20 tabs open on my browser, I can one look at one at a time anyway — WHY do I do that!? When I reduce it to just one tab, I am able to work so much better because I don’t have all the other distractions. 

The world has made us HAVE to multitask. Think about driving in the car: you have other drivers, your speedometer, your radio, your mirrors, your AC or heat, if it’s raining your windshield wipers… and then police wonder how you are speeding? “Well officer I was focused on turning on my windshield wipers.” You might get a good chuckle with that response. 

How many times has someone been talking to you and you’ve been nose deep on your phone thinking you are listening but then they ask you a question and you don’t have a response because you weren’t really fully engaged. How embarrassing! AND how annoying for the person speaking to you. The conversation in front of you is most important, unless you excuse yourself to handle something otherwise. 

STOP multitasking ALL THE TIME. It is not necessary. Our minds are not meant to be working on 5 million things at once. Have one tab open when you are on your computer. Set “phone times” if something pops into your mind when it isn’t a phone time, then make yourself a note either on paper or on your reminder app. Don’t start 20 things because then you have to go back and finish all 20 things you started. Start one thing, and finish one thing. If you can’t complete a piece of what you are doing because you are waiting on someone else to complete part of the project, then put a “bookmark” in it and set a time when you will return to it. That way it is out of your mind and you can completely focus on something else. 

Try something with me, notice I said with me… I need to work on this too! My phone is always attached to my hands. It is my life line.. so sad, but it’s the truth. Let’s allow 3x per day for 5 minutes each time to scroll/check email/do whatever you need to do at a time when you can focus your full attention on it. Begin to be intentional on all the pieces of life, be completely focused when completing tasks at work with one browser open, be completely focused on laundry, cooking dinner, playing with your kids, exercising, all of it, whatever you do focus on that task. I have started to remind myself in my head, “right now you are focused on driving to pick up the kids from school.” or “right now you are focused on cooking dinner.” It serves as a reminder to myself as to what I am doing (because I can quickly get wrapped into 10 million things) and it is a reminder to myself to stay focused. Focused on one thing. Distractions are going to happen.. if you have kids, they will inevitably need you in which case you say to yourself “I am helping the kids right now.” If you work, people will inevitably come into your office unannounced and you will have to stop what you are doing. The more you can keep your focus on what is happening right in the moment you will see how less stressed/overwhelmed/anxiety ridden you will be. 

WE are in control of our time. If you are constantly multitasking that could mean a few things: 1. You are not using your time wisely. 2. You are not actually good at multitasking so you are always going back and making mistakes. 3. You have too much on your plate and we need to start saying NO to tasks that are not worthy of your time. 4. You are avoiding feelings. 5. You need to learn to delegate. 

In job descriptions and in job interviews they will always mention something like “ability to multitask” what does that even mean? Do you want me REALLY to work on more than one task at one time? Perhaps the better language here would be “Ability to manage tasks from more than one project at a time.” I manage more than one project at a time all day long, but I am not always multitasking. I want to focus my time on ONE THING so I can perform at my best! 

My day looks a little something like this: Wake up, workout, put a load of laundry in the wash, make coffee, make lunches, serve up coffee (see how I came back to this project to complete it?), make breakfast and eat breakfast, shower, switch laundry to the dryer (again see how I came back to this task?), work on emails for work, get the kids ready for school, pack backpacks, out the door to drive kids to school… You get the idea. ONE.TASK.AT.A.TIME. Typically during this time we are in a hustle so there isn’t really a lot of “free time” but I also do not allow phone distractions, or other distractions (like the TV,  music blaring, news, etc) that are not my children who need me. Did you read that? I DO NOT ALLOW… because you are in control of that. You can choose to “multitask” or you can choose to be FULLY PRESENT. 

I choose fully present. Who’s with me?

xo, Jessica

Some multitasking articles that I read after writing this post.. and I found pretty interesting.

ARTICLE ONE

ARTICLE TWO

Family+expectations = disaster

You know, sometimes I don’t like what summer social media has to offer. Everyone is on a family vacation making memories and doing things together. Whether they really love each other or are fighting every second of the day, I will never know because on social media they look like they are having the time of their life. Growing up, my family never took big vacations. I have grandparents, aunts, uncles, cousins, and we never all planned a beach trip or any trip for that matter all together. My immediate family [when we were all together] would take family vacations to Disney World, the beach, mountains, etc. Those were always so fun because well.. we didn’t really have a choice but to like each other and to be together. I have so many fun memories of some of our [immediate] family vacations we took. 

So, what I’m saying is if it weren’t for social media I wouldn’t know any better. I wouldn’t know that people took vacations with their extended family. I wouldn’t have FOMO, I wouldn’t care. But I do. But it’s not just about going on vacations and making memories, it’s about holidays, it’s about weekend getaways when a fun opportunity comes about.. it’s all of those things. I want to rent a house on the beach and under one roof have all of my family. I would also like for everyone to always get along and have fun — sounds pretty lofty huh? HA. 

What if I just focused on fun memories for myself and my children? Vacations are not what it is all about. Most of my childhood memories are not from vacations. They are from my day to day life in my house playing with the neighbor kids, playing with my sister, and school.. lots of memories are from school. 

Stop setting yourself up for failure. When you set unrealistic expectations you will always be let down. You will always feel anxiety, you will always feel disappointed. Instead, say out loud, “Isn’t it so awesome they are enjoying their family on a vacation?” or “Isn’t it so awesome that they have the same tradition for Christmas every year?” When you waste time doting on someone else’s traditions/vacations/family gatherings etc, you waste time away from your own opportunity to create a memory. So go create a memory.

When I was growing up my grandmother and grandfather would host Thanksgiving at their house, every year! It was kind of a big occasion for them mainly because their anniversary was around that time, but also they loved Thanksgiving and having everyone at their house enjoying a meal together. It was about 30-40 people from my dad’s side of the family under one roof. This was the one time each year that I would get to see that side of my family. It was pure chaos with kids running around, food all across the table, the doorbell ringing nonstop with more family arriving, music blaring, alcohol flowing, loud Spanish speaking, laughing, and just pure JOY… you know the Cuban’s like to do it up! This is one of my best memories as a kid. Also probably why I love Thanksgiving so much! I will never live up to this kind of party hype with family, but man I can only try. [If social media were around when these Thanksgiving celebrations happened, you would definitely have FOMO! :)]

My family will never have a family reunion, my family will never go to a beach house for a week, they will never go on a cruise, or really do anything together because that’s just not who my family is and that’s ok. My family visits when they can, and they are there for my kids birthday party, holiday celebrations, horseback riding lessons, swim lessons, and day to day fun. Don’t set you or your family up for failure, it’s not healthy for you or for anyone else. Focus on what you can control. 

Enjoy your family beach week! 

xo, Jessica

Perfection

Confession: I am a perfectionist. This is a problem. Like I am the kind of perfectionist that sits in a waiting room and will adjust all the pictures hanging on the wall if they are crooked. Yeah, that kind of perfectionist. 

The kind of perfectionist that needs everything to have a home in my house. Somehow with 2 littles (and a husband) there are always little pieces and things lying around everywhere. And the mail (can I get an AMEN?) the mail.. why does it just sit on the counter? No way, not in my house! This woman cannot/will not allow the mail to pile up. 

I’m also the perfectionist that had to let go of my kids coloring a coloring book upside down, or letting them play with toys and MUD however they want to. (Mud is still an issue for me, but I am working through it. The shoes. The clothes. The walls. The floor.. AHH!) I have had to let go of the playroom/living room/and half bathroom downstairs being cleaned up and clean all the time. Can it really be a “playroom” if it’s not a wreck? My perfectionist self has to take deep breaths and let go because in this wreck of a playroom is where my kids imaginations run wild. 

My perfectionist tendencies is  also where my imagination and creativity are paralyzed.. 

With perfection comes control, and if I’m being completely honest, I like control. I like to know what is going to happen and be prepared to the max. Perfection and control create a lot of anxiety and pressure to be the best and always do the best. I feel like I am constantly battling in my head “This is your perfection, this is your need to be in control, this is your anxiety over perfection and control, take deep breaths, what have you learned? How can you calm and control yourself?” Almost daily I remind myself that I can only control myself. Even the 2 little people I have the privilege of raising cannot be controlled to my perfectionist ways. They have strong personalities of their own, and they are figuring out how to do life in their own ways. 

Perfection is great because I am always holding myself to a higher standard, but it is also stressful, unrealistic, and not really looked at as positive. In the workplace I have had people tell me to not go above and beyond because then that is going to be considered the norm “and you can never come down from that”. I have also had people in my workplace tell me that my perfection will go unnoticed so it’s not necessary to go the extra mile. I have been told I am too controlling, I am too much of a planner, I have unrealistic expectations, I am too much of a perfectionist. For someone who is their own worst critic when they fail or when they don’t exceed expectations, these things are hard to hear. As a perfectionist, I don’t like to let people down, I don’t want people to feel like I didn’t do enough. I don’t want to disappoint. 

But sometimes… I can’t do enough. And that’s okay. Sometimes it’s not perfect, and that’s okay. I am not a perfectionist for anyone else, I am a perfectionist for me. It is not easy to work through all the layers of perfection that have and continue to burden me. For one: Give yourself grace and Two: Being perfect isn’t always the answer. Sometimes good is perfect… and you just have to remember that. 

I allow myself to fail, I allow myself to not always be perfect, I allow myself to have and set low expectations for myself and those around me (it’s not you it’s me! I’m setting you up for success!) I allow myself to not be in control, I allow myself to not be PERFECT. What is perfect anyway? A straight picture frame on the wall? or A messy playroom where memories have been made and imagination has run wild? You decide. 

Perfection doesn’t have to limit you, don’t ever apologize for it, and despite what anyone says perfection can help you soar. 

xo, 

Jessica 

SAHM/WAHM

SAHM = Stay at home mom

WAHM = Work at home mom

“What do you do?” ← a question I dread. Mainly because I haven’t developed an elevator speech for what I actually do, but also because when I tell people, there are so many judgments and it’s a conversation closer. No one seems to know how to talk to me about what I actually do. 

“I am a stay at home mom, but I also work from home part time as an HR Operations Specialist for Employers Advantage, and I am a spin instructor at 2 local gyms.” Too much? Now that I am typing this and reading it, maybe it is too much. they were just wanting a quick “oh I work for blah blah blah company..” But what I answered with is actually what I do, so why ask the question if you don’t want the real answer. 

If I am talking to working mothers, all they hear is the stay at home mom part and say something like “..we just aren’t in a place to do that right now.” Which let me say, we weren’t always in that place either.. we worked so hard, SO HARD, to get to a place where I can be home with the kids and work part time. But I can’t say that in the middle of a conversation, although in my head I am screaming it to the top of my lungs! 

If I am talking to stay at home mothers, all they hear is I stay home with the kids. 

There are a few people who hear both, and understand. “Wow you must shift gears so much during the day!” Yes mama, yes I do. It’s exhausting. It’s rewarding. It’s joyful. It’s tiring. It’s eye opening. 

Isn’t it interesting how we hear what we want to hear? But here’s the reality — I am a stay at home mom and a working mom because I WANT to be. I want to be a part of all my kids moments. I want to be there for them when they need it most. I want to love on them all day, I want to put them down for nap and be there when they wake up. BUT… I also want to work. I want to do something I love with people who are smart, ambitious, and motivated. I want to contribute financially to my family, and I want to continue my career even if it’s just at a part time capacity at the moment. 

After I had my daughter, I struggled dropping her off at daycare and then coming to work for 9 hours a day where I spent 3-4 of those hours really doing nothing. All I could think about is all the fun I could be having with my girl. Making memories, and loving on her. At that moment I set out to find a way to be a SAHM and a WAHM (work at home mom). I took on another job because if I was going to sit at work with free time then I might as well work and make money. So that is what I did. I found a job that I could work from anywhere in a field I loved. I SAVED all of that “extra” money because I figured when I quit my salaried job to be home with my girl I would need some auxiliary funds. I worked the 2 jobs simultaneously for almost 2 YEARS [2 YEARS folks!] before I could quit my 8-5 salaried position. When I had my son, I quit my job. It was scary. It was really scary, but looking back it was the best decision I made for myself and my family. I kept my part time “work from home” position and stayed home with my son during his first year of life. My daughter was still in full time childcare because I was still working and she needed more than I could provide during the day with work and my son needing me all the time.  My part time “work from home” turned into a go into the office 2 days a week and not so part time. Cue hiring a babysitter and putting my son into a morning out program 4 days/week. It became harder and harder to juggle financially and the amount of time I was spending at work — I started to work weekends and then I was not able to spend time with my family. It was starting to take a toll on me, and I was ready to quit. Then we got the news that we were going to move. It was at this time when I decided I wanted a career shift. I made a list of all the things I wanted in my next position… here was my list:

1. Work with smart, ambitious, respectful, caring people. 
2. Work with people who understand my limits and dedication to my kids. 
3. FULL work from home job. No underlying expectations to go into an office.
4. Work in HR, because I love policy and people. 
5. Ability to work part time hours, and no weekends unless I choose to. 
6. Work with people who know how to and enjoy using technology. 

I was determined to find something that met all of my values and needs. My husband thought I was crazy and told me this didn’t exist. I didn’t give up. I knew it was possible, and for my kids it was worth finding it. So my quest began. 

To my surprise, and everyone else in my life who thought I was crazy, I found my DREAM job. My job matches all my must have items on my list plus some. I’m blown away every day that I am able to be with my kids and work. It is possible folks! I have a friend who also does the same thing. She is a SAHM and a WAHM, she works at home doing graphic design while her kids sleep and when she gets a free moment during the day. It isn’t easy to balance it all, but I love every minute of it. Who said you can’t do everything you love? You can! I work from home with an HR company, I teach spin classes at 2 local gyms, I write a blog that I am over the moon passionate about, and I stay home with my babies. You can make it happen! It may not happen tomorrow but baby steps will get you to your next step. It’s easy to get lost in the baby steps.. for me it felt like the steps were never big enough to make a difference, but they were and they are, so stay focused and DON’T GIVE UP! My kids are different children (in a good way) now that I am home. I am a different person (in a good way) now that I am home and doing things I love. You may not want to stay home with your kids, or you might be in a different place in life, but find those things you love and make steps to move in that direction to really be the true you. 

What do you need to be the true you? Can I help in anyway? I am glad to help you with a plan. 

Stay focused. Make a list. What is it you want/need to be the true you? Remember baby steps are still steps in the right direction even though it may feel like you are standing still. 

xo, jessica

A work colleague and I at a luncheon — we received trees as our gift which is why there are twigs in our picture.

My family enjoying a little summertime treat!