Death.
Death is a weird thing. It’s sad. It brings people together that any other time don’t seem to have time to get together. It’s happy. It’s scary. It’s joyful. It’s disappointing. But most of all, it’s sad.
The word “death” alone is scary and can really send people down a deep dark path.
Others are numb to it. The word “death” may not mean anything to them. We are often hearing about death and dying on the news, so it’s no wonder we are numb to the thought of it. Until it happens to you, then it’s real and alive, and something that I hope becomes thought provoking.
There are so many kinds of ways to die, and that is not the point of this blog.
As you know my grandmother recently passed away, and I saw so much of my family that I haven’t seen in YEARS. YEARS!! I saw my aunt, who I hadn’t seen in over 20 years. How is that possible? Why is it that we reunite over death? My grandmother would have LOVED to see all those people together in the same room when she was alive. My family was together for the first time in years, but it took someone dying for that to happen. Shouldn’t we be making time for this before people die? The memories would be so much sweeter I’m sure of it.
Death is so uncertain. I honestly thought 4 years ago my grandmother was going to pass away. She wasn’t doing well, and I just knew it would happen soon. Boy was I wrong. But that’s just it, we never know when it’s going to happen. So live life. Live it to the fullest everyday! EVERYDAY! Make the time to see those you care about. Make the time to have those tough conversations you are harnessing. Make the time to care.
My grandfather (who I LOVED DEARLY!) passed away almost 6 years ago, and one of my biggest regrets was being in denial that he was going to die. I saw him for the last time 3 weeks before he died, and I left the hospital saying “He will bounce back.” I was in pure denial, I wanted desperately for him to bounce back, and I thought if I willed death away he would stay alive. Not the case folks. If I had one more chance to see him, I would take it in a heartbeat and tell him all the things I should’ve told him in that last time before he died. You are probably thinking… why did you wait so long to tell him? Exactly my point! Don’t wait! Tell people how you feel now. Don’t have any regrets!! I know my grandfather knew how much I loved him and how much I cared for him, but I wanted to tell him I would name my first son after him, and that my grandmother would be fine because we would all take care of her, and that I loved him so much and that I would miss him dearly.
The sadness and grief of ones physical presence missing is indescribable. No more phone calls. No more hugs. No more warmth, comfort, love. It’s a void that can never be replaced we just learn how to exist without it. I am a believer of heaven and earth, and the Lord Almighty, and I take comfort in knowing that the people I love are dancing in heaven joyfully. That doesn’t always make it easy. But it does allow for some comfort.
It’s okay to be sad. It’s okay to be scared. It’s okay to mourn. It’s okay to be joyful. It’s okay to just be… It’s not okay to have regrets. It’s not okay to think you have tomorrow promised. It’s not okay to just be complacent. Live life. Have tough conversations. Love to the absolute max capacity. Do the best you possibly can with the resources you have. Death is real, and we can’t predict it.
Xo, Jessica
the honest truth 