The kindness news station.. would you watch it? Think about CNN but like all the kindness and happy things happening in the world. Would you honestly watch it? I would.
You know what’s funny… most people I asked this question to said no. Why? Why wouldn’t you want to watch the joy and beauty in the world? The answer I got from people: “because I would be too emotional watching all the nice things, plus it would probably get old.” WHAT?! Really? The kind, beautiful, amazing things happening in the world would get old? What about CNN, BBC, or any news station for that matter… does that terrible information ever get old? But you still watch it!
We spend so much time watching and hearing about the tragedies in the world we have become immune to them. We don’t cry about sad things anymore, we don’t have reactions the same way because we see it all the time. But the fear you can see in someone when you mentions a Kindness News Station is unreal. Why are we afraid of kindness?
Kindness isn’t easy for us, we have to think about it. And then we have to think about not getting recognition for being kind because everyone always wants recognition. How about just be kind? Just be kind to everyone, not just the people you know, but everyone. You don’t know everyone’s story, you literally see people for minutes, sometimes seconds in their day — they have a whole life span of stories that contribute to the kind of person they are — who are you to judge? You are not there to judge. You are there to be kind. Just be kind.
Kindness has 2 sides, the giver and the receiver. The giver of kindness has it’s own challenges, but the receiver of kindness actually has to be open to receiving. What if they are not open to the receipt of kindness? What then!? It doesn’t matter. As the giver of kindness, you are doing it because you want to be kind. Not because the person asked for it, or because they need it. You gave out kindness because you wanted to. But also, we need to open ourselves up to acknowledge and accept kindness no matter how big or small. Don’t fear kindness, allow people to show you the beauty in the world.
The other day I was in the grocery store with my kids. This mother and her 2 kids were following us very closely and I kept wondering what they were doing. I will admit I was wondering in a very negative way saying things in my head like “what is your problem? stop following me and my kids!” About 5 minutes into them following us, her daughter came up to my daughter and said, “I like your unicorn jacket. Where did you get it?” Then the mom chimed in and said, “Sorry, she really liked the jacket and I am trying to teach her how to speak up for herself.” Man did I feel like dirt on the floor. The mom was just trying to teach her daughter how to be kind and I was annoyed. My daughter was so happy and proud that some other little girl liked her unicorn jacket and the girls were able to have a kind conversation about the jacket. I want to be like that mom. I want to teach my daughter kindness. I want to teach her how to give kindness and how to receive it. What a world that would be…
We are in the season of thankfulness. But what if we were in the season of kindness as well. Turn your kindness into someone’s thankful. Be so kind that they are thankful for you that day, then just maybe, they will be kind enough to someone else to be that someone else’s thankful.
Create your own Kindness News Station. Be your own news reporter. What would you report for the day?
My grandmother passed away recently and during one of her 4 services the priest asked, “Does anyone have anything to say about Alexa?” My uncle spoke 2 sentences, my grandfather (her husband of 65 years) said 2 words fighting tears, and before I could get up and say anything, the priest closed the floor. I thought, man! I missed my opportunity! But I didn’t because even though you didn’t know my grandmother, I am going to write her eulogy on my blog. Enjoy!
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Look closely.. she’s giving a peace sign.
Mami. Tia Nena. Abuela. Alexa. Abuelita. Nena. These are some of the names my grandmother was known by. She was a daughter, a sister, an aunt, a wife, a grandmother, a GREAT-grandmother, and a mother. She was a strong willed, stubborn woman, but it served her well. She came from Cuba to the U.S. and her and her husband worked hard to make a life for their family here. She had 3 boys who were not the easiest to raise, and she worked while raising her 3 sons in a time when it wasn’t the “norm” for women to work.
She always used to tell me how excited she was that I was a girl. I think she always wanted a girl but it never happened for her. So when I came along as the first grandchild, she was over the moon. She would tell me, “When they came out of the delivery room to tell me you were a girl I screamed so loud and pulled my hair because I was so excited.” I believe her, she has always had a special love for me. You know what is funny though? At her services, I learned that this woman had a special love for everyone. All of her family was so special to her in everyway. She wouldn’t have life without her family, she just wouldn’t.
Thanksgiving has always been my favorite holiday, and beyond the food, I never really knew why. I recently came to my true reason behind my love for Thanksgiving… every year my grandparents would host Thanksgiving. They would put together a long table either outside on their patio or inside their house – my grandmother, her and her sisters, would start cooking 2-3 days prior and on Thanksgiving we would feast. The family would all come over to her house, and it would be loud! Liquor would be flowing, I mean we are Cuban after all, the laughter would be so loud you could hear it down the street. The cars parked all along the road, people hugging, catching up, kids running and playing, and always an anniversary to celebrate. My grandparents. [They were married 65 years.] The food was like none other, the family was vibrant, the holiday was the reason. I still love thanksgiving because with it comes years of memories with family I only saw once a year, and the joy it brought to my grandmothers heart, so much JOY. That is what I will remember. And while I will never be able to replicate the Thanksgiving Joy she shared with us, I can keep it in my heart and have my own memories.
My grandmother was a tough woman, but every once in a while, for her grandchildren, she would let her guard down. One time specifically, my cousin reminded me, that we made her drink wine. Like lots of wine, which to be fair wasn’t really a lot of wine because since she didn’t drink hardly ever it didn’t take her long to feel a buzz, and we made her flip the bird. Yes, you read that correct, we made her put up her middle finger. This woman, a Godly woman, who honestly I don’t ever remember saying a curse word in my presence, put her middle finger up…. And we died laughing. Like that deep belly laugh. Even she was laughing, her face was red – maybe from the wine, but also probably because she was laughing so hard. We couldn’t believe it. That is one for the memory books.
I was 13 when I moved from Florida to Missouri. 13 is tough age anyway, but then moving away from all your friends and family to the middle of no where was so hard. I was a little down, and really didn’t like the fact that we had to move to this new place. My grandparents came to help us move, and my grandmother knew I was sad. She was trying her best to cheer me up but nothing was working… until.. she put on a costume like Jasmine and starting dancing around to gypsy music, moving her hips and dancing around as if she were a belly dancer. Let me remind you this is a conservative woman who until this very day I had not even seen her in a swim suit. But here she is belly dancing with her belly showing trying to cheer me up! I remember laughing so hard, like so hard. At the time, I had no clue what she was doing, she was just being crazy and funny, and making me laugh. But now I see she just wanted me to be happy, and she was going to do whatever she had to do to see a smile on my face.
If she were alive she would be so mad I posted these pictures of her! 🙂
That’s just it. Man she was tough. I don’t say that lightly. She was a tough lady. Not many people would mess with her. She was not a force to be reckon with. But wow. She cared. She wanted the best for her family ALWAYS. My cousin shared with me that before her wedding her dad had passed away and it was a sad time for her and her mother to be planning a wedding without him there. [Her dad was my grandmother’s sister’s son.] My grandmother swooped in and helped. My cousin said she remembers the 2 weeks before her wedding being a breeze and much easier because she knew my grandmother was there and would help with whatever needed to be done. My grandmother couldn’t handle knowing that her family was hurting. She cared too much.
She suffered for 11 years with a condition that no one should have to experience. Her body was freezing up around her. Her mind was completely in tact but her body was slowing freezing. First it was her legs, then it was her arms, then it was her speech, then it took over her body. It was devastating to watch. But you know what? In true tough girl fashion she made the absolute best of it. 7 years ago she came to my wedding – she was still walking, slowly, but walking nonetheless. She said she wouldn’t miss it for the world. I am so grateful she was there. 4 years ago I gave birth to my baby girl, and since she could no longer travel anymore, there was no way I was going to keep her GREAT-grandchild from her, so I flew with my 3 month old and introduced her to her first GREAT-grandchild. That Thanksgiving JOY was all over her face as she was holding my baby girl. 2 years later, I brought my son, her 2nd GREAT-grandchild to meet her. At that point she was bedridden and while she couldn’t really interact, she had the joy of meeting him and seeing him.
It’s hard for me to think she is really gone. It’s just a weird thing. I will say, I am joyful that she is not suffering anymore. It was very difficult for me to watch this woman who was always moving, always using her hands to sew, cook, or love her family, be bed ridden and unable to do the things she loves. She lived a full life, doing all the things she wanted. She certainly left a legacy in all 8 of her grandchildren, and especially with me. I loved that woman fiercely. [The older I get the more I see some of her qualities in me.] May she rest in peace and belly dance with all of her family up in heaven.
The other day at church I looked over at my daughter sitting next to me and she had her legs crossed nice, her hands placed in her lap, and she was looking forward as if she was actively reading the screen in front of her. When I looked at her and noticed all of these things, I had to hold back tears. She was doing exactly what I was doing. Thankfully she noticed me looking at her and gave me the biggest smile because she knew she was copying me and that I had caught her — also it helped for me not to bust out in all out tears of mommy joy.
What a reality check! These little people watch everything you do! (and say everything you say!) What if I told you it’s not just little people who look up to you and watch everything you do? What if I told you that you had friends/family members/neighbors/acquaintances who watch your moves and look up to you as a role model. How would that make you feel? How would that make you change what you did?
I have so many friends I admire and look to for guidance. I want to copy their ways and do exactly like them because they make it look so flawless and easy. We all know it’s never flawless and easy, but why not tell that person, “Hey I really admire you for…” Why don’t we do more complimenting and congratulating? We like it when we receive those affirmations, why don’t we give them out more?
I was on the phone with a dear friend recently where she was describing feeling like her and her family were at a standstill career-wise. They didn’t know what the next step was.. she had applied for a job but wasn’t sure if she would get it, her husband didn’t get any of the jobs he had applied for and was considering schooling again, and they were also considering LIVING ABROAD with their 2 young kids. For me that seemed like such a stressful idea, that would just never be on my plate of options to consider! Instead of saying, “Are you sure you want to consider living abroad with 2 littles?” I said, “Wow! I admire you. You are so brave to have that be an option for your family to consider!” Because truly, I admire her. She is so level headed and easy going and she was telling me about some stressors she was feeling, but her stressors just made me proud to know her and to be her friend. I only wish I could consider moving my family abroad… as much as I want to live abroad, I don’t know if I can handle the anxiety and stress of navigating all the nuances with 2 little babes.
Ladies, you never know who is watching. I know that sounds a little creepy — but I am only saying this so you remember everyday to be your best self. If you are a mom, pretend your kids are always with you watching you, how would you want them to see you? What would make them most proud? If you are not a mom, pretend your mom/dad/best friend/partner/sister/brother/neighbor is always with you and watching you, how would you want them to see you? What would make them most proud? That’s how you are your best self. Remembering that you are leaving a legacy with everyone around you. Want to know how you do this? BE YOU! BE YOUR BEST YOU! Can you believe it’s that easy? BELIEVE IN YOU. BELIEVE IN WHAT YOU ARE DOING AND THE PERSON YOU ARE.
Look yourself in the mirror and say, “I believe in me.” “I am my best self today and everyday!”
Someone is always watching and admiring. You are loved more than you know.
Happy Father’s Day to all you wonderful Father’s out there. I hope your day is filled with family fun, that you feel loved and appreciated, and that you are able to spend some time reflecting on your role in your child’s life.
In late May, I lost a friend. She died giving birth to her sweet baby girl Margaret Charles. Now, I don’t know any of the details, but I can’t help but get frustrated thinking it’s 2019, mother’s shouldn’t die giving birth to their children!
Some statistics I read that only added fuel to my fire…
The CDC says, “Women in the United States are more likely to die from childbirth or pregnancy-related causes than other women in the developed world. More details are needed to better understand the actual causes of death, but research suggests that half of these deaths are preventable. Racial disparities persist. The risk of pregnancy-related deaths for black women is 3 to 4 times higher than those of white women.”
From National Geographic, “More than 700 women die each year in the U.S. from causes related to pregnancy or childbirth. Black women have a maternal mortality rate three times higher than that of white women. At least 60 percent of maternal deaths are preventable.”
Sarah O’Steen McArthur – she was a firecracker. Quick on her feet. Vibrant. Happy. Positive. Inquisitive. Thoughtful. Daring. She was ALWAYS up for a challenge. Someone shared with me that when she came to graduate school she had never been on a canoe, and to be honest when I first met her, she didn’t look like the kind of person who would even think about getting on a canoe. She took a class that was based in the outdoors and went canoeing for the first time. That next semester she decided to take her staff canoeing as a team builder. That was the kind of person she was! Confident. Always looking for new ways to grow and be better. She was a light, her smile and laughter would light up a room. You could not have a frown when you were around this woman. She radiated JOY and HAPPINESS. Even when she was angry, it was like there was still this light about her. I remember when she announced on Facebook that she was pregnant — I was OVERJOYED for her and her husband. She was due in May (and since both my babies are May babies) I reached out and told her how excited I was for her and that of course May babies are the best! In true genuine Sarah fashion, she shared how thrilled she was to be expecting and that she would certainly be in touch with me about all baby things when the time came…. and now she’s gone. Just like that, gone.
This Father’s Day I would like to celebrate Marshall McArthur. In May, he lost his radiant wife and gained a beautiful daughter to which he is now her sole provider, cheerleader, advocate, parent, lover, and caregiver. He is grieving and joyful. He is angry and grateful. In my honest fashion, I do not know Marshall that well. But the people I do know that know him speak nothing but greatness about him. Sarah loved him. I cannot imagine what he is going through on a daily basis with a newborn and grieving the loss of his partner in life. They planned to go into the hospital as a family of 2 and come out a family of 3. I still cannot fathom this tragic loss.
I don’t want to get too political here, but it seems if we are going to ban abortion, we should figure out how to keep women alive during childbirth first. Let’s not put the cart before the horse here people. Beautiful souls should not lose their life bringing life into the world. It’s just not necessary.
Happy Father’s Day to all the Father’s out there — and cheers to you Marshall.
xo, Jessica
By the way: if you would like to give financially to Marshall and Margaret, please do so here. Marshall will have to figure out how to financially support Margaret on one salary (where originally he planned to have 2 salaries) and both of their families live in NC/SC and currently he is residing in California, so I am sure travel money would also be helpful for family support. Anyway you can help is uplifting.
the honest truth 