LOVE DOWN IN THE DEPTHS.

I have something really scary and sort of controversial to share with you. I was enjoying a dinner with some friends the other evening and the KKK was active in broad daylight 2 blocks away. My mind was completely blown, and honestly I don’t know why. I have seen this on the news, that they are alive and active, but this was happening right in front of me. RIGHT IN FRONT OF MY EYES! It is unbelievable that that is still happening, still active, still alive. As I am writing this I am processing for the thousandth time, and I still have no words. 

This is all I can say… I cannot control others. I cannot control what other people believe. I cannot control actions other people choose to take. I cannot change them. Arguing will not change their views. Protesting against them will not change their views or their actions. Anger does not change people. I CAN control my actions. I CAN control how I live my life and how I model someone who loves others. I CAN control what I say. I CAN control conversations with people I speak to on a daily basis to make them think about their actions and thought process toward other people. I CAN control who I interact with, and it is worth interacting with those who may think differently than you. I CAN teach others how to love everyone. 

You can choose to love everyone. Even the person who gives you the bird in traffic, love them. Even the person who talks crap about you at work behind your back, love them. Even the KKK marching for what they believe to be true, love them. [You don’t have to believe what they believe, but you can share a piece of what it feels like to be loved in hopes that they might share love with all people.]

People deserve love.

People deserve love.

You deserve love.

Choose to spread love. We are all here together. Let’s work on loving one another. 

xo, Jessica

Summer time is the fun time.

Friends, Followers, Everyone — this summer was hard. Like real hard. I struggled with my kids being home FULL TIME. Any breaks were with a scheduled babysitter or 4 random weeks of camp. There were a total of 12 summer weeks. (If you do the math, that’s 8 full weeks at home with ME! Approximately 56 days… but who’s counting.)  I know I should be talking about how blissful and non structured and amazing it was to have my kids home and do fun things… but it wasn’t. I was paralyzed. Like, I couldn’t think of anything fun to do. Anxiety took me over. If you have never had something like this, it is awful. Down right uncontrollably awful. My body was exhausted. Anything the kids did set me off. I felt chained to my children. I couldn’t do anything. 

If you know me, you know I like to go and do things typically at a quick pace because well, I have a to do list to complete. With kids, just throw the to do list out the window and count anything crossed off a major accomplishment. 

Let me add a disclaimer in here: I love my children. Like down right lovveeee them. Honestly, I think that is part of my anxiety, I want so much for them that I get lost in how to help them/teach them/show them how to experience life. They are good kids, and I know that. They are smart, and adventurous, and above everything they love me. Which means they save their crazy for me, because they feel safe to be their craziest selves with me. 

It was getting to the point where the best times in my day were when my kids were sleeping. That is NOT the mom I want to be. I want to enjoy my kids when they are wide awake enjoying life. But anxiety doesn’t let that happen. It seeps into your core being, it stops you dead in your tracks. It sucks the energy from your body. It makes you feel like you are drowning in the day to day, you can’t think outside of right now. The toddler tantrum, makes you feel out of control and just piles on to the other toddler tantrums that started at 5AM and you feel like you are carrying a huge weight on your back. There is no ability to let anything go. Everything is a big deal. The poop diaper you now have to change as you are walking out the door to try and be somewhere on time.. also a burden. The 4 year old sassiness in the middle of the day, that you just have to walk away because it’s too much to handle… also adding to the weighted backpack. By the time 530PM rolls around and “dada” comes home, I am so worn down I just want to slip away on the couch and veg out to a show. But parenting doesn’t allow that, you are all in all the time… plus I typically still have work to do that I didn’t finish during the day [because nap time didn’t go as planned] and it has a deadline. –Oh yeah I still work during the summer even though the kids are home.–

Anxiety. It seeks out the fun and energy and eats it right out of you. Anxiety. It takes away the ability to see the joy. It takes the ability to see the sunshine. It takes all your time. all your energy. all your being. 

I hate feeling this way. I hate that anxiety has this power over me. I hate that I feel like I miss out because I am overrun with this feeling. 

Summer was hard. But today, when I sent my kids to school.. they said they would miss me, and that they had fun with me this summer. That looming guilt cloud was just pushed away for good. They will remember all the things we did: picnics, water table fun, splash parks, play dates, day trips, they won’t remember that mom maybe wasn’t so nice all the time, or that mom maybe wasn’t so full of energy, or that mom sat around a lot, or that mom cried, or that mom felt weighted down. 

I’m sorry if you also battle this crazy thing called ANXIETY. It’s not easy, but you aren’t alone. 

xo, Jessica

A little Fergie Fitness!

“My body stay vicious
I be up in the gym just working on my fitness” -Fergie

I hope as you read this blog post you respect how much I like a good workout and being physically/mentally/spiritually healthy. If at any point you want to start your journey of a healthier you or a healthy lifestyle, reach out and I would be glad to help you. There are so many options – it really just takes commitment from you. 

My work out life is ever evolving… in high school I was on the high school soccer and cheerleading team so between games and practice, I didn’t need to workout. In college, I thought I didn’t need to workout because, well, see the previous comment about high school, and the “freshman 15” came real quick so I had to do something about it. Cue my late nights at the gym on the elliptical for 30-40 minutes. Then my junior year of college I decided I was going to run a half marathon, cue half marathon training and my love for running. Post college work 8-5pm life meant early morning boot camps with my friends in the apartment complex I was living in. Graduate school meant midday workouts at the campus gym and the discovery of indoor spin classes. Post graduate school work 8-5pm life meant early workouts at the on campus gym with the hubs, and if we couldn’t make it in the morning we’d go in the afternoon. Work 8-5pm life plus a baby meant buying a treadmill and working out with the hubs in our basement every morning before the baby woke up, baby monitor in hand. Second baby comes along and we are floundering for runs, gym time, who’s workout is a priority… you get the picture. 

It is so tough! Working out, staying motivated. But here’s the beauty, you don’t have to stick to one thing all the time. You can evolve just as your schedule and responsibilities evolve. 

It is important to me to get a sweaty calorie burning workout in at least 5 days a week. It makes me feel good, and I like feeling good. (Who doesn’t?) I like working out with my husband. I don’t like having to take the kids with me. And my fitness goal this year was to be stronger. [Like I want to be able to do 4 push ups on my feet, not my knees, chest all the way to the floor and back up. That’s pretty strong for me and if I can make that happen I will be so thrilled.] So, we workout at home in the mornings before the kids get up for 25 minutes. [Sometimes my early riser child wakes up and we put him in the stroller with some cereal and he is content for 25 minutes while we renew our spirit.] It’s a priority for us, we make it a priority because we like how we feel. Is a 5AM alarm fun? Absolutely not, but working out, showering, and drinking coffee with my husband before the kids wake up is totally worth it. I also love that 5AM alarm because that workout allows me to be my best self during the day not to mention all the health benefits of staying active and feeling strong. 

Working out doesn’t mean going to the gym, it doesn’t mean following a work out video, it doesn’t have to mean getting up at 5AM. It will evolve and change as your life changes and as you find things you like to do. Don’t get stuck in a rut with fitness or you will get bored and then you won’t be motivated to do it. 

Share your workout/fitness preference below. If you need some guidance as to how to fit fitness into your already jam packed schedule – reach out! If you need some advice on what workouts are best for you – reach out! Lucky for you I am a certified fitness instructor [because that’s how important I think fitness is to your health] and am able to help you through some options. 

The honest truth: 5AM get out of bed doesn’t always happen. Sometimes it’s 530AM, sometimes it’s 6AM, sometimes I just lay there because I’m so tired after being awake with the kids all night. Give yourself grace – hear me here – GRACE, not an EXCUSE! Don’t beat yourself up. 

Cheers to a healthier you. 

Xo – Jessica

Blog life.

When I first talked about starting this blog, EVERYONE asked, “what is your purpose behind it?” My answer was vague it was like “I feel like I have a lot to say to women and to people about how to live their best life.” I didn’t want anything, but people kept pressing, “But don’t you want something from it?” Honestly, I didn’t and I don’t. I want people to read it and think about the topics in their own way, apply it to their own life, and hopefully it makes a positive difference in their day to day. Writing is such a healthy outlet for me, and lucky for you all, I have a lot on my mind. 

Earlyyyy on in my development of the blog, I think I said things like “I would love to get 1000 blog followers within the first year, and if I get a speaking engagement out of it along the way that would be great.” Which for people who need a true purpose or a true definite attainable goal, this works. 1000 followers in one year and a speaking engagement is the goal. I am typically that person, the person who needs goals to check off the list, but with this, I am new, and I really don’t know what I am doing other than sharing my perspective and my life with you. But somehow it is okay, and I don’t feel like I need the check box to check. I am comfortable writing and being in this space. I am hopeful that wherever I am suppose to go on this blogging journey with happen as long as I continue sharing truth and being honest.

About 2 weeks ago, I turned to my husband and said, “I think I am going to quit blogging.” He was stunned and said, “I thought you loved it.” I said, “I do love it but I feel like I am not reaching anyone.” And he came back with the truth I needed to hear, “But I thought you weren’t writing for everyone else, I thought you were writing for you?” You are right love — I am writing for me, and for you, and whoever wants to read. I enjoy filling this space with experiences, thoughts, perspectives, and stories of truth. I enjoy sharing with you. I enjoy this whole process. So thank you for being here with me, the journey will continue. 

If you feel so inclined, share my blog with people you think need to hear these words. Maybe share your favorite post with your friends. If you have thoughts on something you would like to hear about please feel free to reach out: thehonesttruthbyjlo@gmail.com you know I am always up for new and exciting topics. And if you need someone for a speaking engagement, here I am. But above all that, thank you for reading. Thank you for being here. Thank you for challenging yourself to think through a new lens. I love writing. I love blogging. So I will be here a while.

The sun never sets on blog life.. corny? Probably, but that’s me! 

xo, Jessica

Show me your best side.

Here’s some trivia for you: Johann Zahn designed the first camera in 1685. But the first photograph was clicked by Joseph Nicephore Niepce in the year 1814. WOW! That’s a long time ago. We’ve had pictures for a long time. Obviously we’ve come a long way since the first photo, but friends, pictures haven’t changed. We are still capturing a moment in time. We are still sharing those moments. How many pictures have we seen that were captured years ago in history and been so thankful to have that photo to have perspective about what life was like in that time. When we see pictures from the past, we automatically make all kinds of assumptions. Watch… see the picture below. What do you see? What assumptions do you make?

We were so tired. We were so scared — we are afraid of heights, and the bus ride to the top was frightening to say the least. It took us 3 days of travel to get to Peru, and we missed out on some valuable time with some friends we hadn’t seen in a while. We saved our pennies to take this trip and mark it off our bucket list. 

So many photo albums where we see pictures of ourselves when we were 4, 5, 6, and think man that was a good time! But was it? Was it really? In the picture it looks like it was a good time, and as we think about that memory it was a good time, but in that moment would you have said the same thing? I will tell you when I was 12 I moved away from the only place I knew, away from my best friend, away from my family, and away from my stable life it wasn’t a good time. When I look back at pictures I think, it wasn’t so bad, I made new friends, my school was good, I got to see a different part of the U.S., I got to fly on a plane for the first time, I had my first boyfriend… a lot of life happened and it wasn’t so bad. I had braces and I looked like an angsty teenager, but all in all, it wasn’t as bad as I thought it would be in the moment. In the moment, I was sad, I was depressed, I was getting my period for the first time ever in a place where I knew no one, I got braces, and my self esteem was low, like real low. This was a small town and all of these people knew each other their whole lives  (just like I had in my old town!) so it was hard to make friends, people weren’t willing to really branch out of their comfort zone to friend me. I wrote my friends back “home” often, and then that dwindled… it was a rough time for me. But when I look at the pictures NONE of that comes to my immediate memory. My first response looking at pictures from that phase in my life is, it wasn’t so bad. 

Why do we do that? Why do we create this picture that isn’t real?

We do it EVERYDAY on Instagram, on Facebook, on Snapchat.. on most social media platforms. We look at a picture and we create our own story. The story is rarely REALITY. You may see a picture of a woman posing in a swim suit and you think, how does she do it? Have you ever thought that maybe she doesn’t? Maybe she is not confident in herself. Maybe the picture was photoshopped. Maybe she doesn’t have a partner and is struggling to find her partner in life. Maybe she can’t have biological children. Maybe she does love everything about herself and her life… and that is okay too. But what we can’t do is waste our energy thinking about it. 

Stop thinking about the story. Stop comparing yourself to the photo. If you don’t know the story, how can you compare yourself? You don’t even know what you are comparing yourself to. You are comparing yourself to the made up story of the picture you just saw for the first time. You are in control of a story, you are in control of your story. Don’t let someone else’s story YOU MADE UP bother you, bring you down, or make you think less of yourself. 

You know that saying “A picture is worth a thousand words.” well it is.. because we can make up all the words about it. I used to do some photography on the side, and I really enjoyed family photography. My clients would always hate when their kids would cry in pictures, and I loved it! I would always say, you are capturing the moment, the TRUE moment. 

My friend says she believes getting lost in the story of someone’s photo, or even your own photo is healthy. It helps to escape your real world for a hot second… and I agree. But when it becomes unhealthy is when you can’t escape from the comparison or the made up story. Don’t get caught up in that, just love the story for what it is and move on. 

Look at your pictures and remember the stories. 

xo, Jessica

Penny on Peace

Followers and Readers — meet Penny. I met Penny when I was in college. She is a friend of a friend, but has always supported me through each new life adventure. When I launched my blog she specifically reached out to me and said my words speak to her and she is excited to see what I will post next. Her words of encouragement meant the world to me and really came at a time when I thought the blog wasn’t reaching anyone. Penny is an adventurer, I told her she should start a blog just on all the restaurants and fun activities she does in her city. People would love to hear her experiences!

I asked her to write something she felt passionate about in relation to the mission of TRUTH BY JLO. She was thrilled and nervous, but I think her words speak to so many of us in any stage of our life. I hope you enjoy Penny’s perspective below — thank you Penny!

xo, Jessica

I struggled writing this, I started over 5 times, I guess it’s the perfectionist in me. I’ve struggled with almost everything most of my life, unhappy with almost everything, hoping that one day I would find peace. That’s right, I said peace. I was searching for the true meaning of peace, and I was searching for it, everyday. Something that would counteract the unhappiness and negativity I was feeling everyday. 

What is peace? Peace is a stress free state of security and calmness that comes with there’s no fighting or war, everything coexisting in perfect harmony and freedom. When you feel at peace with yourself you are content to be the person you are, flaws and everything. 

“Peace is one of the most important human experiences. If you don’t have peace, then you’re not able to appreciate whatever else you do have. You may not be able to recognize the good in your life because you have not recognized the good in  yourself – yet.” -Eckhart Tolle

When I turned 50, I was  full of negativity and unhappy with everything from my looks to my clothes to the car I drove. I have  always compared myself to others, the way they look, what they were wearing, what they drove and so on. I always wanted things I couldn’t have. 

What really threw me over the edge and became  an eye opening moment was one morning I woke up, looked in the mirror, and saw my mother. Most of you are rolling your eyes right now, saying “big deal!”. But it was a big deal, at least to me. All of a sudden, I looked just like her, she was literally staring right back at me. Not my 20, 30, or 40 year old mother, but my then 70 year old mother, sagging neck and all. I had literally aged overnight. That’s when comparing myself to others took on a whole new meaning. 

Everyone struggles with self-esteem issues at some point in their life, and some may struggle all of their lives. Soon, after my experience of seeing my mother in the mirror staring back at me, I found myself criticizing myself for everything. My fabulous husband, who is my biggest supporter, and always positive, suggested I start reading. I am not much of a reader, it takes too much time, and I don’t have time to do that. I’d rather go to the gym, or go on a run outside, walk the dog, or watch tv. Then one day a family friend randomly gave me a book on positivity. I didn’t open it for over a year. I read a few chapters and found that I couldn’t put it down, then I read another book, then another. The people writing these books, it  felt like they were writing them for me, about me, and only me. I realized that as bad as I had been on myself, some of these authors had lives much worse than mine and had overcome the negativity in their lives. 

Several months after that morning when I saw my mother looking back at me, almost 2 years ago, my mother passed away. I was not there to say goodbye and I regret that.My life is full of regret, but I can’t go back and change it, so I needed to accept it and move on. My mother was a good person, and I may  look just like her but I am nothing like her. She was always happy and content, hardworking, smart. Not a description of me, although hard working would describe me to a T. My grandmother used to tell me to be happy with what God gave me, that is God’s will, everything happens for a reason, and that on the day you are born, God already has your life planned out. 

After reading a particular set of books [Girl, Stop Apologizing and Girl, Wash You Face by Rachel Hollis] I started to change my way of thinking. I started to care less about what people thought of me and started to focus more on how I feel about myself, less on how I looked because I realized that it wasn’t important to me. Changing my way of thinking and searching for the reasons why I was so unhappy, I feel like I have finally found peace. I don’t get stressed out, I don’t rush, I have a more roll with the flow type of approach. I don’t need to please other people, only myself, I don’t need to put makeup on to look good for other people at the grocery store because they don’t know me and they aren’t paying attention. They don’t know what I look like without makeup so what difference does it make? And so what if I wear workout clothes to meet my husband after the gym for dinner. If he’s okay with it then why should I worry about what someone else thinks? I wasn’t put on this earth to impress other people, I only need to impress myself and if I’m happy with that, then I’m at peace. 

Balance

Balance — I wish this is something I could give you all the answers about. But I have come to the conclusion that there is no answer. Balance is how you interpret it. Do you feel like you are balancing all the things in your life well? Then you are. GO YOU! Do you feel like you are not balancing well? The reality is you are probably balancing it GREAT but it feels overwhelming and stressful so there is no peace to the day to day balance. 

I will share with you a little bit about how I balance, and to be completely honest, I don’t always do a good job of it. 

I have a list of priorities and it goes something like this: Husband, Kids, Job, House, Family, Friends, Self, Spiritual, Financial. I think of these things like plates and I am balancing all of these plates at one time, CRAZY I know. Ideally I would like to be able to juggle all of these plates at the same level all the time. But for me that is just not possible, in this season in my life, I am just catching the plates before they fall, putting them back up, and then moving on to the next plate. I will tell you this is not a way to be, but it’s my season, and it is working in my life balance right now. It can be exhausting, however, I try to not look at it like that. 

This past week for instance: Elizabeth was having some behavior issues (the kid plate is falling!) so I had to stop and rethink what she needed and how to address the behavior issues. Jorge is starting back with his extreme tantrums (other kid plate falling) so I had to stop and think through what he needed. Kid plate back up and we’re good for a little bit. My friends had some big things happen in their life (friend plate!) this week so I stopped and wrote some letters and mailed them off. Earlier in the week I hit a wall (the self plate is crassshhhiiinnngggg) I couldn’t hold my head up anymore, so I laid down for 20 minutes and it was just what I needed to lift the self plate back up for a little while. We’ve had some HUGE expenses lately (financial plate falling) so I have had to be very intentional about grocery shopping and what we are buying and why. Where is all the money going?!

Do you get the picture? It’s an ever changing ever evolving thing. There is never a “balance” it’s just a matter of how you choose to manage your balance. What is your balance? Where are you choosing to spend your time? What are your plates you are juggling?

Your seasons will change. Embrace where you are. 

xo, jessica

Hey Coach put me in!

Hey you, and you , and you.. huddle up. I’m in! Like all in! I’m not going anywhere. I’m in on this mom-ing (no matter how hard the days are), I’m all in on this wife thing (no matter how hard the parenting and relationship gets), I am all in on my job (no matter how busy the days are), I am all in on myself (no matter how down I feel). Are you all in? 

Sometimes I find myself giving myself a pep talk like I am on a football team. “Okay, today, you are going to give it your all no matter what the other team throws at you. You are strong and you can do it!” Literal words that go through my mind  daily. No one is perfect, and everyone has their own struggles, but you can’t give up. Don’t GIVE UP. lf you give up, you are only letting yourself down. 

Here are some famous quotes by well known football coaches who had reputable careers:

“Winners and losers aren’t born, they are the products of how they think” 

― LOU HOLTZ

→ this is ME chatting to you. 🙂 [Can you imagine if you changed your mindset how amazing you could be? Wake up and say, today is going to be a great day and I am going to be a light to everyone I encounter today. I promise it will get easier and easier each day, but you have to start somewhere.]

“If what you did yesterday seems big, you haven’t done anything today.” –Lou Holtz

[MAKE EVERYDAY COUNT! Live big everyday — for yourself. If you do that, you will radiate joy, confidence and contentment.]

“If you’re not making mistakes, then you’re not doing anything. I’m positive that a doer makes mistakes.” ― John Wooden

[Throw fear out the window. Give yourself grace. AND MAKE MISTAKES. So what if you take a job, move your family, and then decide you don’t like it… how were you suppose to know? Get back on your feet, make a plan, and move forward. There is always an answer.]

“Life is full of all sorts of setbacks and twists and turns and disappointments. The character of this team will be how well you will come back from this letdown, this defeat. You could still be a great team and you can still accomplish great things as football players but it’s going to take a real resolve to do it.” -Coach Ladouceur” 

[Mic drop.]

“Nothing that comes easy is worth a dime.” –Woody Hayes

[Hard work, passion, and ambition — you are worth it. SO WORK IT!]

“To have the kind of year you want to have, something has to happen that you can’t explain why it happened. Something has to happen that you can’t coach.” –Bobby Bowden

[Sometimes you don’t know what you need until you allow something to happen. And when you look back you will realize it’s exactly what you needed. Allow events to happen in your life. No judgement, no shame.]

“A good coach will make his players see what they can be rather than what they are.” –Ara Parseghian

[You can be anything you want to be. Like for real!]

“You don’t have to flaunt your success, but you don’t have to apologize for it, either.” –Gene Stallings

[NEVER apologize! You are strong, you are worthy, and you are smart. Do not apologize for any of that.]

Are you all in? What if you woke up to a football coach motivating you every single day? What would they say? Also, just think about a football coach waking up next to you every morning in a huddle ready to motivate you for your big game (your day).. that would be funny, and also very motivational, and also probably a lot for first thing in the morning. BUT WOULDN’T THAT BE AWESOME!? Who is your football coach in your life? Motivating you… pushing you.. holding you accountable… loving you.. caring about you.. telling you that you are worthy… 

Get up! Let’s huddle up, let’s show up, let’s be all in.

xo, Jessica

My people.

This post will make me cry (and I don’t cry) because I cannot tell you how unbelievably blessed I am with the best community of friends. They ground me, they challenge me, they love me, they talk real talk, they care, they are thoughtful, they are beautiful, they are smart, they are fun, they make me laugh like big belly laughs, they hug me, they know when I am sad, they know what I need sometimes more than I do, they are my people, and I love them so much. My people are all over, and while that makes staying in touch sometimes challenging, I am very grateful for each one of them. 

Some of my people I have known since I was a baby, some since high school, some since college, some since graduate school, and some since becoming a mother.. I value all of these relationships more than I could ever express to all of them. (Cue me crying..)

Starting this month, I want to share some of the stories of my people with you. I want you to know that you are not alone. You may not resonate with anything I have to say, but maybe you are able to resonate with someone from my community. I want you to connect. I want you to feel supported. I want you to read the stories of my people with an open heart. Most of these people have never had to think deeply about these topics before, much less write about it for an audience. So give them grace and love. 

I did not give, and I will not give anyone a topic to write about, all I have said to these people is to write something within the mission of Truth By Jlo. (they are blog readers and advocates so they are familiar with the mission of Truth By Jlo) I ask that they send me a draft and I read it, send it back with some deeper questions and revisions, and then publish. This is truly their voice and their story. 

I am so excited to share my people with you. I love them. I value them. I think they are pretty awesome. I hope you love them just as much as I do. 

Find your people. Love them. Care for them. Squeeze them. Hold them tight. 

xo, Jessica

Multitasking

Multitasking means you are doing more than one task at a time. Which if you think about it means you aren’t giving 100% of your attention to any one thing. People take pride in saying “I am a good multitask-er.” But are you? Personally, I always have like 20 tabs open on my browser, I can one look at one at a time anyway — WHY do I do that!? When I reduce it to just one tab, I am able to work so much better because I don’t have all the other distractions. 

The world has made us HAVE to multitask. Think about driving in the car: you have other drivers, your speedometer, your radio, your mirrors, your AC or heat, if it’s raining your windshield wipers… and then police wonder how you are speeding? “Well officer I was focused on turning on my windshield wipers.” You might get a good chuckle with that response. 

How many times has someone been talking to you and you’ve been nose deep on your phone thinking you are listening but then they ask you a question and you don’t have a response because you weren’t really fully engaged. How embarrassing! AND how annoying for the person speaking to you. The conversation in front of you is most important, unless you excuse yourself to handle something otherwise. 

STOP multitasking ALL THE TIME. It is not necessary. Our minds are not meant to be working on 5 million things at once. Have one tab open when you are on your computer. Set “phone times” if something pops into your mind when it isn’t a phone time, then make yourself a note either on paper or on your reminder app. Don’t start 20 things because then you have to go back and finish all 20 things you started. Start one thing, and finish one thing. If you can’t complete a piece of what you are doing because you are waiting on someone else to complete part of the project, then put a “bookmark” in it and set a time when you will return to it. That way it is out of your mind and you can completely focus on something else. 

Try something with me, notice I said with me… I need to work on this too! My phone is always attached to my hands. It is my life line.. so sad, but it’s the truth. Let’s allow 3x per day for 5 minutes each time to scroll/check email/do whatever you need to do at a time when you can focus your full attention on it. Begin to be intentional on all the pieces of life, be completely focused when completing tasks at work with one browser open, be completely focused on laundry, cooking dinner, playing with your kids, exercising, all of it, whatever you do focus on that task. I have started to remind myself in my head, “right now you are focused on driving to pick up the kids from school.” or “right now you are focused on cooking dinner.” It serves as a reminder to myself as to what I am doing (because I can quickly get wrapped into 10 million things) and it is a reminder to myself to stay focused. Focused on one thing. Distractions are going to happen.. if you have kids, they will inevitably need you in which case you say to yourself “I am helping the kids right now.” If you work, people will inevitably come into your office unannounced and you will have to stop what you are doing. The more you can keep your focus on what is happening right in the moment you will see how less stressed/overwhelmed/anxiety ridden you will be. 

WE are in control of our time. If you are constantly multitasking that could mean a few things: 1. You are not using your time wisely. 2. You are not actually good at multitasking so you are always going back and making mistakes. 3. You have too much on your plate and we need to start saying NO to tasks that are not worthy of your time. 4. You are avoiding feelings. 5. You need to learn to delegate. 

In job descriptions and in job interviews they will always mention something like “ability to multitask” what does that even mean? Do you want me REALLY to work on more than one task at one time? Perhaps the better language here would be “Ability to manage tasks from more than one project at a time.” I manage more than one project at a time all day long, but I am not always multitasking. I want to focus my time on ONE THING so I can perform at my best! 

My day looks a little something like this: Wake up, workout, put a load of laundry in the wash, make coffee, make lunches, serve up coffee (see how I came back to this project to complete it?), make breakfast and eat breakfast, shower, switch laundry to the dryer (again see how I came back to this task?), work on emails for work, get the kids ready for school, pack backpacks, out the door to drive kids to school… You get the idea. ONE.TASK.AT.A.TIME. Typically during this time we are in a hustle so there isn’t really a lot of “free time” but I also do not allow phone distractions, or other distractions (like the TV,  music blaring, news, etc) that are not my children who need me. Did you read that? I DO NOT ALLOW… because you are in control of that. You can choose to “multitask” or you can choose to be FULLY PRESENT. 

I choose fully present. Who’s with me?

xo, Jessica

Some multitasking articles that I read after writing this post.. and I found pretty interesting.

ARTICLE ONE

ARTICLE TWO